Sanctum Dorktorum

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T23:59:00.006-06:00

Here's hoping that 2012 is a better and brighter year for us all!

Happy Holidays!

2011-12-24T06:00:00.005-06:00

Beware the Krampus!

2011-12-12T23:17:00.002-06:00

From NPR:

Horror For The Holidays

Meet The Anti-Santa
by Peter Crimmins
December 10, 2011 from WHYY

For generations the Christmas season has been infused with sweetness, but
some families in Philadelphia are adding a dash of horror.

There are no Christmas lights up at Janet Finegar's house in the Northern
Liberties neighborhood of Philadelphia. She does not deck her halls with
boughs of holly. Instead, hundreds of rib bones leftover from a neighborhood
barbecue hang on a clothesline strung across her backyard. They're bleaching
in the sun.

"They have been scraped, boiled, scraped again, bleached and are now strung
on strands and hanging out to dry," she says. "They smell. Rib bones, as it
turns out, are incredibly nasty."

She will drape the bones over herself and wear them like a grisly tunic.
It's her Krampus costume.

The Krampus is a character from European Alpine folklore, common in Austria
and Switzerland. The creature stands on two hooves and has horns growing out
of its skull. An extremely long tongue hangs out of its mouth, and it
carries a basket to haul away naughty children.

For hundreds of years, the Krampus and Saint Nicholas have worked a kind of
good cop-bad cop routine. Saint Nick rewards the good children; Krampus
terrorizes the bad.

For Finegar, it's the perfect antidote for Christmas.

"If everything is sweet and beautiful and lovely and the most wonderful time
of the year, some people, like me, start to get a little nauseated, want a
little salt to go with the sugar," she says. "I think there [are] a lot of
people out there who enjoy the idea of having a little salt."

Around the country, there are Krampus parties and club nights in December,
where people dress in leftover Halloween costumes to drink and dance.

Finegar is helping to organize a traditional Krampuslauf: a procession of
people dressed as Krampus, walking through the streets with noisemakers. The
idea for the Krampuslauf in Philadelphia came from Amber Dorko Stopper, a
mother of two.

"Spooky and scary has had a place in Christmas historically - A Christmas
Carol is a ghost story with scary things in it," she says. "I hate to see
everything get watered down because I remember how much fun those things
are."

Krampus parades are rare in the United Sates. Last year, Joseph Ragan
organized one in Portland, Ore., as a reaction to the way Christmas
dominates the winter season.

"Of all the 10,000 holidays that can be celebrated, we just have this one
particular version of this one particular holiday really shoved down our
throats for months at a time - in the most saccharine form," he says.

Consider that Christmas muzak you hear in grocery stores before
Thanksgiving. That really annoys Stopper. She's a fan of horror movies, and
enjoys the folk tales of Krampus stealing children, throwing them into icy
rivers or eating them alive.

"I realized really quickly how that was not popular in this time period. As
a parent of small children that was seen as suspicious behavior almost
immediately," she says. "Everything is so soft-pedaled these days with kids
to the point where you're not showing any kind of conflict to your kids,
much less folklore."

But even Stopper admits there are limits.

"Since both of our children are adopted, we're a little extra sensitive to
talking about being taken away," Stopper says. "But we did tell them that,
'He'll take you to his house, you'll have to eat spicy vegetables and watch
boring adult television - and then he'll bring you home.' "

The horror. The horror.

I'm right there with Ragan and Stopper. As much as I love the holidays, I hate hate hate how it's forced upon us so early. And it just keeps getting worse every year, especially in these economic times*. This year I started hearing the Christmas muzak pumped into stores before Thanksgiving.

Christmas isn't special if you celebrate it for three straight months. Christmas decorations aren't special if you hang them up in November and leave them up until March. The four seasons of the year are not Spring, Summer, Fall, and Christmas!

The Krampus is pretty cool. I read about him as a kid, but forgot all about him until he turned up in a Venture Bros. episode a few years back. I don't know how much success a demonic ant-Santa will have in a country obsessed with fighting a non-existant "War on Christmas", but I wish him the best.

I'm not down with the Leatherface bone costume, though.

*Hey, you want consumers to spend more money? Give them more money to spend! Quit cutting back on salary and benefits, quit sending jobs overseas, quit laying off employees by the hundreds to spur short-term stock market increases, quit dancing to the tune of the corporate interests that control us all... oh, wait.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

2011-12-02T13:51:00.001-06:00

And he's bringing Martians with him!

Holland Releasing is bringing this holiday "classic", along with a bevy of seasonal shorts and cartoons, back to theaters across the country this Christmas. A list of theaters and screen dates are available at the site.

I've already seen SCvM on the big screen at a Cinematic Titanic event a few years back, but if you haven't yet experienced this "space-blazing" spectacle this is a great opportunity to do so!

Phil Noto Is A Genius

2011-11-20T00:26:00.000-06:00

His space lounge aesthetic is relevant to my interests, but the Han Solo images below? Genius.

Beware the Wisconsin Sex Werewolf!

2011-11-11T13:28:00.000-06:00

From the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel:

Woman jailed in bizarre sex-related stabbing

Bloodied man with 300 wounds calls police from east side intersection
By Gitte Laasby of the Journal Sentinel
Nov. 9, 2011

A Milwaukee woman apparently interested in werewolf spirits having sex was in jail Wednesday after an 18-year-old man endured 300 puncture wounds when their sexual encounter "got out of hand," a police affidavit says.

Rebecca Chandler, 22, was being held in the incident, which may also have involved satanic or occult practices.

Bleeding from the neck, arms and back, the man called police Sunday night from the intersection of E. Knapp St. and N. Astor St. on Milwaukee's east side. He told police he had traveled by bus from Phoenix to Milwaukee for a sexual encounter with Chandler.

"Once he got to the residence, he was bound and stabbed numerous times over a time frame of what he described as two days," an affidavit accompanying a search warrant states. The affidavit also says the apartment contained a book titled "Werewolf's Guide to Life," a necromantic ritual book, as well as a black folder called "Intro to Sigilborne Spirits." According to various websites, Sigilborne spirits include female werewolf spirits who engage in sexual acts.

The man suffered more than 300 wounds to his back, face, arms, legs and neck and was taken to Froedtert Hospital in Wauwatosa, according to the document. His condition was not immediately available.

Near the intersection from where the victim called, police found bloody duct tape "fashioned in a manner that appeared to be a restraint, as well as a bloody length of rope," the affidavit says.

Officers followed a blood trail to an apartment in the 900 block of E. Knapp St, where the door to one of the units was open. Inside, there was blood on the floor and on bedding in a bedroom as well as duct tape that, again, appeared to be a restraint, according to the affidavit.

The 22-year-old woman introduced herself to officers, saying, "I think you are here looking for me."

She said she'd been having sex with the man and that the cutting was consensual but quickly got out of hand.

After she was arrested, Chandler told police her roommate, whom she called Scarlett, had done the majority of the cutting. She said Scarlett is "possibly involved in satanic or occult activities." She claimed she didn't know Scarlett's full name, but that her DNA could be found on a hair brush.

Police searched the apartment for DNA clues to determine if there was another person involved. The man had told them "a woman" had bound and stabbed him.

Chandler is being held in the Milwaukee County Jail in lieu of $150,000 bail.

I guess not all werewolf dates can be romantic nights in.

The Day After

2011-11-01T02:44:00.004-05:00

It's time to relax! Hope everyone had a great Halloween!

Halloween Treats: Fun-Sized Horror

2011-10-31T17:43:00.000-05:00

Fill up your trick-or-treat bag with these mini-movies from Daywalt Fear Factory and Fewdio! They're all under ten minutes, so they make for perfect viewing in-between doorbell rings.

There's No Such Thing... by Drew Daywalt

Cellar by Randy Link

Creep by Drew Daywalt & David Schneider

Room 19 by Drew Daywalt

Jack by Drew Daywalt

Loads more films at the links above!

Random Image: Creepy Kids

2011-10-31T14:17:00.001-05:00

From Haunted Air, a book of vintage Halloween photos, via NPR. Lot's more photos at this link. NPR also has a selection of reader submissions in a similar vein.

Huffington Post Overrun By Zombies!

2011-10-31T14:05:00.000-05:00

See for yourself!

I had to LOL at the Rahm Emmanuel bit:

Much more at the Huffington Post.

Halloween Treats: A Tale of Dracula, the Wolfman, & Frankenstein

2011-10-31T11:02:00.000-05:00

Some more spooky listening for your horrible holiday! A Tale of Dracula, the Wolfman, and Frankenstein was not technically part of Power Records' Monster Series. The Monster Series were adaptations of Marvel Comics such as Tomb of Dracula and Werewolf by Night and released in 45 RPM. A Tale was an orignal Neal Adams story and issued as an LP. A Tale was reissued as House of Terror on Parade Records, and the comic was later expanded for a French publisher and subsequentially reprinted in various outlets, such as House of Hammer. Neal Adams has since lost his marbles and the bag he kept them in, but he's at the top of his game here as an illustrator and the audio play is up to Power Records' usual standards - dig the crazy Lugosi impression for Dracula!

Power Records: A Tale of Dracula, the Wolfman, and Frankenstein
128kbs MP3 CBR File
29mb Total

Halloween Treats: "Le Vampire"

2011-10-31T08:43:00.000-05:00

2011-10-31T00:01:00.005-05:00

Have a safe and fun holiday!

Halloween Countdown: Kolchak, the Night Stalker

2011-10-30T23:54:00.004-05:00

A while back, I came across this column by Michael Phillips, movie critic for the Chicago Tribune. It says everything I would want to express about one of my childhood heroes in a far better way than I could manage:

Vegas vampires in the 1970s faced an unforgettable foe

August 19, 2011

This week's release of "Fright Night," a sharp-witted remake which brings vampires to modern-day Las Vegas in all its sunny horror, marks a fine time to celebrate the memory of Darren McGavin and one of his choicest roles.

I refer to Carl Kolchak, the Vegas reporter in the porkpie hat, featured in "The Night Stalker," originally broadcast Jan. 11, 1972, as an ABC Movie of the Week. (Kolchak moved to Chicago for a short-lived TV series.)

Remember those? I certainly do. I remember the tear-stained hallways of my grade school the morning after "Brian's Song" aired. And I remember the not-quite-11-year-old me dying to watch "The Night Stalker" a couple of months later, which the promos made look pretty racy for network television, and then watching it (dad, mom: thanks), and not so much dying of fright (though it was scary for the time) as going crazy for McGavin's brashly comic portrayal of a seeker of truth and reluctant vampire slayer.

Talk about a genre mash-up. A refugee from a '30s newspaper comedy plunked down inside a serial killer movie with a mythic supernatural premise.

And people did talk about it. With a script by Richard Matheson, "The Night Stalker" was a huge ratings success up against "Hawaii Five-O" and an NBC documentary special on the troubles in Northern Ireland. The cast of "The Night Stalker" included Carol Lynley, Simon Oakland, Claude Akins and Ralph Meeker. Until seeing "The Night Stalker" again recently, in the less-than-ideal YouTube edition, I'd forgotten that Meeker was part of the cast. (By the way, if you haven't checked out the Criterion Collection reissue of Robert Aldrich's "Kiss Me Deadly," starring a vicious, sneering Meeker as Mike Hammer, do so as soon as possible.)

Johnny Depp has expressed interest in developing a remake of "The Night Stalker," which has already undergone a reboot or two in various formats. The original ABC version spawned a lesser sequel ("The Night Strangler") and a short-lived TV series. Vampires never die, as we know. They're everywhere, and they all seem to have their own franchises to run. I was frankly surprised how much the new "Fright Night" brought to a crowded party.

Revisiting "The Night Stalker" reminded me of how dependent the teleplay was on McGavin's rumpled charisma. Had "The Night Stalker" featured a less interesting actor as Kolchak, the ratings probably still would've soared. But while various aspects of "The Night Stalker" date, or weren't especially fresh to begin with, everything McGavin does adds to our enjoyment. Everything. A wonderful character man, he never really got his due or the career, busy and productive as it was, that he deserved. He also had a wonderful way of tilting a porkpie hat just so. Bloodsuckers come and go, and many are worth the time and trouble. But Kolchak was something special: an immortal mortal.

Fantastic Kolchak JACK O'LANTERN (!) by Benchak at DeviantArt

I was too young to watch the original movies when they first came out, and the follow-up series aired after my bedtime and I doubt my mom would let seven-year-old me watch something so spooky, anyway. I was fascinated by a TV listings ad for the "Vampire" episode of the series ("Remember that vampire Kolchak killed in Vegas?"), so I was ecstatic to finally catch up with Carl when CBS aired reruns as part of its Friday late-night block of programming (which is where I also discovered stuff like The New Avengers).

Naturally, I was hooked right from the start. The monster of the week format, the Chicago setting, but above all Darren McGavin's wonderful portrayal of Carl Kolchak as a broken-down newshawk who always fought the good fight no matter how terrified he was. And Carl got terrified a lot. Only Shaggy and Scooby could give him a run for the money in that department. But still Kolchak soldiered on, and it was one of the reasons we loved him so.

Given that the series was not a ratings bonanza, it's not surprising that there has been almost no Night Stalker merchandise. I was rather giddy when Fanogria #3 fell into my hands in 1979. It had a complete Night Stalker episode guide, and full color mini-poster that hung on my wall until it literally fell apart. But my first piece of Kolchak memorabilia was a copy of Arrgh! featuring a parody of The Night Stalker. Arrgh! was a monster-themed humor comic put out by Marvel in the early seventies. It had even less success than the Night Stalker show.

Here's the complete Night Stalker spoof from Arrgh! #4

Even today, now that geeks have inherited the Earth, there's precious few Kolchak tchotkes to be had, aside from Moonstone's line of Night Stalker comics and prose books. However, I did come across this replica of Kolchak's legendary straw hat. It's pricey as hell but it looks great (especially if you tuck this baby in the brim). Maybe someday, when I have a big house and I can set up a corner desk with an old manual typewriter, flash camera, and "portable" tape recorder. Make it look like ol' Carl had just stepped out for a moment to look something up in the file room.

Happy Halloween, Mr. McGavin.

Zombie Home Invasion Thwarted

2011-10-30T22:50:00.000-05:00

Everyone likes to grab a late snack after a night out, but you can't get human flesh at the drive-thru. From KTTC-TV (Rochester, MN):

Police arrest man in zombie makeup for trespassing

Oct 30, 2011 12:14 PM CST

MOORHEAD, Minn. (AP) - Police say an intoxicated man in zombie makeup has been arrested after allegedly walking into a residence in Moorhead before dawn Sunday.

The incident began about 1:20 a.m. Sunday when police responded to a burglary call. Officers learned an intoxicated man in zombie makeup walked into a residence, where he was confronted by a homeowner with gun.

The zombie fled, but officers found a man matching the description hiding in the attic of another home on the block. He was known to people there.

The 20-year-old Fargo, N.D., man was arrested and taken to the Clay County Jail on suspicion of trespassing and consuming alcohol as a minor.

2011-10-30T07:26:00.002-05:00

Halloween Countdown: Monster NIght 1998

2011-10-29T23:54:00.078-05:00

There used to be a time when Halloween meant all-night creature features on local tv. Here in Chicago we were spoilt for choice as WGN and the various UHF stations would break out the best ghoulish goodies their syndication packages had to offer - Universal, Hammer, and Toho - well into the early hours of All Saints' Day.

The cable boom and the rise of the infomercial has put an end to that era. Yeah, some basic cable outlets put on their own fright-fests, but they tend to be rather anemic affairs that stick to the glossy, brain-dead crap that have be filling multiplexes for the last decade or so, as anything older than that alienates the most desirable demographics. On the other hand, the wonders of DVD has enabled bitter old geeks like me to create our own monster movie marathons

One of the last gasps of traditional creature features actually took place overseas. Way back in 1998, BBC2 broadcast an entire night of giant monster mayhem hosted by comedian Bill Bailey. In addition to such kaiju classics as King Kong vs. Godzilla and Gamera vs. Gyaos, programming included an original documentary (Godzilla, King of the Monsters), a clip show (Lee and Hering's Reasonably Scary Monsters), and wraparound segments featuring Bailey, Phil Jupitus and Chris Moyles. Tonight, I'm sharing everything but the movies themselves, via an avi rip of an old off-air VCR recording. While it's entertaining enough on its own, I'm listing the movies originally shown you can recreate BBC2's Monster Night in its entirety if you're ambitious or really, really bored.

BBC2 Monster Night (1998)
699mb

Godzilla vs Ebirah
King Kong vs Godzilla
Gamera: Guardian of the Universe (under the title Gamera vs Gyaos)
King Kong (1976)
Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah (1991)

The Real Estate Market Can Be Scary

2011-10-29T20:20:00.000-05:00

From the Chicago Tribune:

Altered states: A peek at scary movie houses and their actual locations

By Lew Sichelman, United Feature Syndicate
October 28, 2011

Bill Murray's mansion in the comedy classic "Zombieland" is up for grabs for a mere $22.5 million.

The 2009 spoof of the horror genre — stars Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, Woody Harrelson and Abigail Breslin have survived a zombie apocalypse — takes place all over the make-believe map. But before they wind up at the supposedly zombie-free Pacific Playland amusement park, they visit Murray's house in Hollywood.

Only the 40,000-square-foot mansion isn't in Hollywood. It isn't even in California. It's in Atlanta, sitting on two acres on West Paces Ferry Road. And with the approach of Halloween, that annual homage to ghosts and goblins, the fact that the place is now for sale causes one to wonder about other scary filmdom houses and their actual locations.

Take the house in "A Nightmare on Elm Street," the 1984 slasher film by Wes Craven. The first film in the "Nightmare" franchise, it featured Johnny Depp in his movie debut. It also featured a murderous Robert Englund, aka Freddy Krueger, who slashed the house's occupants with his razor glove as they slept.

If the three-bedroom house could talk, it would scream bloody murder. And it would tell you it's not in the fictional Midwestern town of Springwood, Ohio, but rather on Genesee Avenue in Los Angeles, according to Zillow, the online real estate marketplace.

The town house featured in "The Exorcist" was in Georgetown, a ritzy section of the nation's capital. The movie about demonic possession was released in 1973, but just the thought of actress Linda Blair's head turning 360 degrees still brings shivers to the spine.

The film was based on a book by William Peter Blatty, which itself was based on an actual exorcism. But the ritual didn't take place on Prospect Street NW, where the movie was made, but rather in a residence in the close-by Maryland suburb of Mount Rainier.

In "Thriller," often called the greatest music video of all time, Michael Jackson and his ghoulish friends break into song and dance, and then Jackson chases his date, former Playboy centerfold Ola Ray, into a Victorian house. The house, of course, plays second fiddle, as movie haunts tend to do, and the video makes no mention of its location. But Zillow found it on a small lot on Carroll Avenue in Los Angeles.

Not far away, in Pasadena, lies the Omega Beta Zeta House from "Scream 2," another Wes Craven slasher flick, this one starring Courteney Cox, David Arquette, Liev Schreiber and Neve Campbell.

The 6,500-square-foot house on East Crary Street sits on 1.5 acres and has seven bedrooms and four full baths. Jada Pinkett Smith, Jerry O'Connell, Omar Epps, Timothy Olyphant and Sarah Michelle Geller met an early demise in the movie.

Across the continent, folks who remember "Rosemary's Baby," the 1968 horror film directed by Roman Polanski, can find Rosemary Woodhouse's apartment building on West 72nd Street in New York City.

In this movie, Mia Farrow played a pregnant woman whose "loving" hubby, John Cassavetes, makes a deal to allow his eccentric neighbors to use her child as a human sacrifice in their occult rituals in exchange for success as an actor. But the building, the Dakota, is probably far better remembered as the place where Beatle John Lennon lived and was killed.

Both "Halloween" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" were filmed in Southern California. So, kiddies, it may be wise to skip haunts in those movies and go elsewhere for treats.

"Halloween," a 1978 independent film directed and produced by John Carpenter and featuring Jamie Lee Curtis in her film debut, was set in the fictional Midwestern town of Haddonfield, Ill. But white-masked Michael Myers actually did his thing in a 2,600-square-foot, five-bedroom house on North Orange Grove Avenue in Los Angeles.

In "Buffy," cheerleader Buffy Summers, played by Kristy Swanson, is asked to defend the world against vampires. Exterior shots where she sleeps were of a palm-studded, four-bedroom house on Cota Avenue in Torrance. And just down the street sits Torrance High, aka Buffy's high school, Sunnydale.

The witch's house used in the 1957 film "The Undead" and early silent films was built in the 1920s in a movie studio. But trick-or-treaters be warned: It was later moved to a lot on Walden Drive in Beverly Hills, where Zillow found it as a private residence.

The place featured in the 1959 B-movie "House on Haunted Hill" might just be the only house of any architectural significance to be featured in a horror film. Here, Vincent Price pays guests to stay one night in a house where body parts lurk and the ceilings drip blood.

But the only thing that really drips from this place is history, for the exterior shots were of Frank Lloyd Wright's 1924 masterpiece, Ennis House, which is perfectly sited on a hill in the Los Feliz neighborhood of Los Angeles, with sweeping views all the way to the Pacific Ocean.

Clint Eastwood's horror/drama "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" featured Kevin Spacey and John Cusack, as well as a cameo by Uga V, the University of Georgia's English bulldog mascot. Also making a cameo appearance is the mansion on Bull Street in Savannah, where the party never ends.

Halloween Weekend Events

2011-10-29T17:36:00.001-05:00

In addition to tomorrow's Vincent Price celebration, the Portage Theater is hosting a Halloween Chainsaw Massacre tonight starting at 7PM. The original versions of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Halloween will be shown. Yeah, it's probably going to be a digital projection, but it's FREE. The event is all ages, but booze will be sold to those with a proper ID.

If you really hustle, you might be able to squeeze in three clasic horror flicks tonight! Because the Music Box Theater is running a midnight showing of the Lucio Fulci classic, Zombie! I've never seen this on the big screen, so I might make attend this one if I am still sober by nightfall. Be warned, however, that you will encounter Rocky Horror fans attending the sold out screening also at the Music Box tonight. Brrrr.

For those of you (way, way) outside of the city, there's Nightmare on Chicago Street, a zombie-themed streetfest being held tonight in Elgin.

Nightmare on Chicago Street is Elgin’s ZOMBIE SAFE ZONE.
Chicago St. from Douglas to Villa
Entrance on Spring St.
Saturday, Oct. 29th
6pm-11pm

If you have not noticed there have been many strange things happening (read about them here) in and around Elgin, IL. The end is near!! The apocalypse is at hand, and your only way to survive is to be at the safe zone…. The Last Human Stand!

It All Ends Here!!

At the entry of the horrific street fest, (entry points at the intersection of Spring and Chicago) visitors will be welcomed by a mountain of macabre body bags and hazmat gear to make sure that ONLY HUMANS are allowed entry.

Storefront windows will be boarded up, cars, provided by Artie’s Towing in Elgin, will be flipped over and garbage will be strewn across up the street. This is not your average Halloween decorations… is much MUCH more than that!

Svengoolie and Victoria Price, daughter of Vincent Price, will be on hand for a meet and greet.

A dance group will entertain the crowd with a performance of Michael Jackson’s Thriller, and dozens of morbid actors and actresses will mingle about fest goers. Now im sure that some zombies will make it into the safe zone, so just be aware of who’s around you, your surroundings, and make sure to AIM FOR THE HEAD!

Alcohol will be served from the 16 foot beer truck, plus several stores and bars along Chicago St. will be on hand to serve up food and drinks as well. Many of the store will be open and running so please, support them, buy from them, and keep them open during this time of need. For a complete list of stores that will be open during the festival, CLICK HERE.

Drinks and snacks will be served up in military-like survival kit ration packaging, and make-up artists will be present to create zombies (and survivors who fought off zombies) out of willing fest attendees. A zombie council will be present fighting for the rights of zombies.

Sounds like it'll be a lot of fun. Well, except for the overplayed Thriller dance.

2011-10-29T07:40:00.000-05:00

Halloween Countdown: The Monster Club

2011-10-28T23:50:00.017-05:00

On Sunday the 30th, the Portage Theater on Chicago's north side is hosting Vincentennial, a Halloween commemoration of the 100th birthday of Vincent Price. Events include a Q&A with Vincent's daughter, Victoria Price, short films & classic trailers, a vendor's area, and a double feature of House on Haunted Hill and The Last Man on Earth. The Portage is a great old venue, just run down enough to give it old school charm, and they serve booze.

I'm not likely to be attending, however, as I've just recently re-watched both films. Seeing them on the big screen might have enticed me to come out anyway, but I am pretty sure the showing will be digital projections of DVD's. The Portage has a pretty good set-up, but digital projection just lacks that special something film has.

But I am always happy to celebrate Vincent Price, so tonight I am sharing The Monster Club, a 1980 film notable as the last film produced by Amicus. It's anthology film based on the short stories of R. Chetwynd-Hayes, who is portrayed in the movie by John Carradine. After being recognized by a hungry vamopire, a famed horror author is invited to a party at the titular establishment where he is regaled with a trio of uncanny tales and disco music.

The Monster Club is not a great film. The musical numbers are poor, the monster make-up is rather terrible, and the camp attitude is overplayed. But Price and Carradine as as fun to watch as always, and some other genre favorites (including Donald Pleasence, Patrick Magee, and Richard Johnson) turn up as well. And if the stories themselves aren't scary, they do have some neat ideas and as eerie a feel as the budget could accommodate. The Monster Club is just the kind of the thing to have on while doing some last minute Halloween decorating.

The Monster Club
691mb

This pretty much says it all.

The illustrations and concept art for the film were done by legendary British comics artist John Bolton, who also worked on an adaptation of the film with the equally renowned David Lloyd. Oh, look - there's copy right there!

The Monster Club
13.2mb CBR Format

2011-10-28T02:02:00.001-05:00

Halloween Countdown: Power Records Monster Series

2011-10-27T23:44:00.001-05:00

While my love of audio drama was shaped by the CBS Radio Mystery Theater, I believe it was first kindled by Power Records. Geeks of a certain age will fondly recall these book-and-record sets that adapted various comic books into "read-along" audio plays. My brother and I only had two of the sets, Curse of the Werewolf and The Fantastic Four, but we played them over and over until the 45's were scratchy, skippy wrecks. We would later receive LP compilations of various titles as birthday and Christmas presents, but it wasn't quite as cool without the comics.

Tonight, I'm sharing both the comic and audio for the four "Monster Series" titles from Power Records. These were all adapted from various Marvel comics - Man-Thing, Tomb of Dracula, The Monster of Frankenstein, and my favorite, Werewolf By Night. Curse of the Werewolf was a gateway drug for me, as once I learned of the connection to WBN I spent years hunting down issues until I finally had a complete collection. And I am not exaggerating about how much we played that record. My brother and I can still recite every skip by heart - "I ran - I ruh - I ran - I ruh - under the light of the bright full moon!"

The comics are in CBR format; you will need a viewer application like CDisplay, or you can rename the files to .RAR extensions and unzip the jpg images. These are not my rips or scans, and I appreciate the work put into their creation.

The Curse of the Werewolf
20mb CBR File & MP3

The Monster of Frankenstein
23mb CBR File & MP3

Dracula - Terror in the Snow
23mb CBR File & MP3

Man-Thing - Night of the Laughing Dead
25mb CBR File & MP3

By the way, I am still trying to track down either MP3's or the original vinyl of the Wonderland Records versions of The Time Machine, War of the Worlds, Journey to the Center of the Earth, The Invisible Man, and - most especially - Godzilla, King of the Monsters. I owned all of these as a kid and would love to revisit them.

2011-10-27T00:05:00.000-05:00

Halloween Countdown: A Last Minute Costume Idea (Or Two)

2011-10-26T23:55:00.001-05:00

I hadn't had the chance to dress up for Halloween for the better part of a decade, but in 2008 I got invited to three separate parties. Inspired by a sketch on Little Britain, I came up with a Baby Jesus costume that won me a trio of best costume honors. I've been stuck having to live up to that achievement since then.

This year, I have been so excruciatingly busy that I hadn't really gave any thought to what I would be wearing until I wandered through the Halloween section at Target. I spotted a large light-up decorative Jack O'Lantern and thought, "I could get my head in there." (That's actually the only way I can judge relative size, by whether or not I can get my head in there. It makes parallel parking difficult.)

You will need:

A bigass Jack O'Lantern from Target ($30)
1/2 yard of black gauzy material ($2-3)
Heavy duty sticky back Velcro ($3)
Battery-powered emergency road flare ($10)
A measuring tape, some duct tape, scissors, string, and a pencil ($0 - it's all in your junk drawer)
Old clothes ($0-50)
Cheap workman's gloves ($2)
A Garden Implement of Doom ($0-20)
Raffia ($6)
An uncle with power tools (priceless)

First Step: Ask her out and treat her like a lady. Prep the Jack O'Lantern by removing the light bulb from the back. Like many things in life, it's simply a matter of squeezing at the base and pulling firmly. Now use the measuring tape to measure your head at the widest part, from the base of the skull and across the nose. Give it about an inch and a half extra wiggle room, and that's the size of the hole you need to cut in the bottom of the Jack O'Lantern. I used a string and bit of pencil to draw a pattern for the hole; neatness doesn't count here, but leaving enough room to squeeze your head through does.

The plastic used for the Jack O'Lantern is deceptively tough. My Dremel could barely cut a groove in it, and an electric hand saw fared no better. Give it to your uncle with power tools. He knows what he's doing. Once you get the pumpkin back, you'll want to make sure you can get your head in and out of it easily. Did you remember to leave enough room for your glasses? Dumbass.

Everything looks pornographic on the internet.

Second Step: Tell her she's the one you're dreaming of. Now you'll want to rig up the inside. You'll find that it's pretty roomy in there. Those of you with mad technical skillz may want to hook up some LED's and a sound system. I can barely post crap to this blog, so I just picked up a small electronic road flare at Fry's. The idea was to create a flickering flame effect with the blinking red light, and it actually worked well in practice. Use Velcro to fix the flare to the bottom of the pumpkin shell; the flare weighs a bit once the batteries are in, which is why you need the heavy duty stuff to keep it in place.

The device with Velcro attached. It probably wasn't necessary to illustrate this part.

The device affixed to the inside of the Jack O'Lantern. Place it near the bottom for the eeriest effect.

Third Step: Hold her in your arms and never let her go. Once you have your LED's or flare hooked up, you'll want to add the black gauze to the inside of the pumpkin. The idea is to prevent people from getting a good look inside the Jack O'Lantern while still making sure you can see out. When buying the fabric, test it out by holding it about four or five inches in front of your face to make sure it's not too opaque to see through. Once you've selected your fabric and brought it home, lay it across the face of the Jack O'Lantern to see how much you'll need to cover the all the holes. (Heh-heh.) Cut away the excess, but remember to leave about an inch all around to work with. There's not enough room to maneuver a hot glue gun through the bottom of the pumpkin, so I used duct tape to attach the fabric and even then I was working blind. Make sure you stretch the fabric tight so you don't choke on it after a few beers. How are you drinking with that damn thing on your head, anyway?

All things considered, this is actually a pretty neat job.

Fourth Step: Follow that restraining order to the letter. Once the Jack O'Lantern head is ready, you can slap together the rest of the costume. Cut short strands of raffia and duct tape them to the inside of your pants cuffs so they stick out through the bottoms. (You can do the same thing with your shirt cuffs if you don't care if you drag raffia through the salsa.) Loop raffia around your shirt buttons, stick some out of your pants, and drape some more over your shoulders. Use duct tape to bind the strands together if you don't want them all over the place.

And that's it. Apart from getting the hole cut, it took me literally twenty minutes to put the rest of the costume together; flare, gauze, raffia, and all. In my rush to get to my family's annual party, I forgot the work pants I had planned on wearing but the raggedy old jeans I had in my car trunk worked out okay. Overalls would probably look spiffiest, especially with fake blood sprayed on them like I did with my gloves. The pitchfork was borrowed form my mom's garage; depending on where your party's held at real gardening implements may not be welcome, so you'll want to grab a toy machete from the Halloween aisle instead. I was never one for face paint myself, but if you're not adverse to make-up a skull or zombie face might look pretty cool under the mask and could probably save you the hassle of the black fabric.

I'm not fat, I'm overstuffed.

Oh, and in case you're wondering about the Baby Jesus costume, I don't have any pictures but I can try to describe it:

Get a cardboard box (I think I used this one and cut the height down by half) and cut a hole in the bottom a little smaller than your head. Start real small, as it's easier to make it bigger than vice-versa, and remember that cardboard has plenty of give.
Line the outside of the box with wood grain contact paper for an authentic look.
Take a plastic baby doll and remove the head. If it doesn't pop right off, run hot water over the neck.
Use a box cutter or thick Exacto to cut two vertical slits about an inch apart at the base of the doll's neck.
Slide heavy duty sewing elastic through the slits and tie the loose ends together. Use just enough elastic so that you can slip the loop over your head and still keep the doll's body firmly in place beneath your chin.
Again with the duct tape and raffia! This time, tape the strands around the inside edges of the box.
Get a cheap beige bedsheet and arrange it at the bottom of the box.
Get a cheap black flat bedsheet and cut a hole in the center for your head. Slip it on like a pancho. Put on a pair of black gloves.
Slip your head through the hole in the box, position the bedsheet to hide your neck, slip on the doll body, and voilà!

The black gloves and bedsheet hides your real body and helps suggest a floating creche. I threw a glowstick in the doll's body before putting it on; again, you technical whizzes might be able to wire up something much more impressive. It's a simple costume, but it's really effective if done right.

Hope this gives you procrastinators some ideas. Me, I gotta start thinking about next year's costume.

2011-10-26T23:44:00.000-05:00

Halloween Countdown: A History of Horror

2011-10-25T23:45:00.001-05:00

Following up from yesterday's post, here are some more ghastly goodies from the ghoulish League of Gentlemen. Tonight I'm focusing on the works of the most prolific of the team, Mark Gatiss.

Last year, Gatiss produced and presented a three-part documentary on fright films, A History of Horror. The series takes Gatiss across the UK and America as he conducts interviews with key figures and visits locations well-known to fans of the genre. Each installment focuses on a different era of screen horror, from the Golden Age of Hollywood through the boom years of the Houses of Hammer and Amicus and wrapping up with the transgressive terrors of the late 60's and 70's. Gatiss love of horror permeates the proceedings and his insights and enthusiasm makes this series a real treat.

A History of Horror with Mark Gatiss
Episode 1: Frankenstein Goes To Hollywood
Episode 2: Home Counties Horror
Episode 3: The American Scream
599mb each

If you listened to Reece Shearsmith's Haunted House carefully, you may have noticed Mark Gatiss mentioning his turn as the Man in Black, an iconic BBC Radio horror host since the 1960's. Gatiss has introduced three seasons of supernatural tales so far, all of which can be downloaded via the links below.

The Man in Black
Series 1 (BBC 2008)
Series 2 (BBC 2009)
Series 3 (BBC 2011)
Three 5-Episode Series 126mb Eachb

Spider-Highlander vs. the Broomstick

2011-10-25T23:07:00.000-05:00

From the Daily News of Jacksonville, NC:

Spider-Man robbery foiled by clerks

October 19, 2011 1:43 PM
Lindell Kay - Daily News Staff

A would-be robber in a Spider-Man mask received a beating from store clerks early this morning when he tried to stick-up a local convenience store with a sword, Onslow County Sheriff Ed Brown said.

Dale Foughty, 56, of Wilmington Highway, has been charged by the Onslow County Sheriff's Office with attempted armed robbery, assault with a deadly weapon inflicting serious injury, and injury to personal property. His bond was set at $100,000.

Foughty, allegedly wearing a Spider-Man mask, stuck a Samurai sword a female clerk’s face and said “give me your money and I will not hurt you,” Onslow County Sheriff Ed Brown said in a news release.

Instead, the female clerk struck the suspect in the stomach with a broom handle.

“The store clerk then went into a total defense of her life and Spider-Man went into a total defense of his robbery attempt,” Brown said.

Another store clerk joined in the fight and Foughty was over powered.

“It was at this point the suspect dressed as Spider-Man had his mask ripped off and part of his ponytail hair ripped out,” Brown said. “The suspect, now unmasked, was just fighting to survive, got away and ran out of the store.”

An investigation led detectives to a nearby house where they found Foughty with a freshly shaven head, Brown said.

“His hair was all over a table in the living room but the suspect was unable to get rid of the lumps on his head that were left by the broom handle,” Brown said.

During booking, Foughty appeared sore from the beating he received by the clerks, Brown said.

Detectives are investigating whether today's botched robbery is linked to other recent Spider-Man hold-ups in Wilmington.

Key takeaway from this story: There have been other Spider-Man crimes in the area! Why hasn't the nation been alerted?

2011-10-25T03:35:00.001-05:00

Halloween Countdown: Halloween with The League of Gentlemen

2011-10-24T23:38:00.003-05:00

Anyone familiar with the British comedy troupe, The League of Gentlemen, should be well aware of their love of the macabre. The group's work is rife with references to classic terror films, and both their eponymous television series and its follow-up feature often veered into outright horror at times. The League has kept up their interest in spooky stuff with various projects as a team or individuals (I'm still trying to track down a copy of their DVD commentary for Blood on Satan's Claw), and I'll be sharing a few of them in the next couple of days. First up are a two radio programs recorded in actual haunted houses.

Reece Shearsmith's Haunted House is a roundtable discussion of horror media recorded live at Sutton House in London and broadcast in two parts by the BBC in October, 2009. Among the panelists are comedian Vic Reeves, ghost hostess/charlatan Yvette Fielding, and Reece's fellow League member Mark Gatiss. The show features highlights from great horror films as well as rare clips from classic UK radio and television programs.

Also on offer is The League of Gentlemen's Ghost Chase, in which the gang attempt to stay the night at the most haunted hotel in the UK. Although the team all profess to be non-believers, it's interesting to see how things work out when each is alone in a creepy old manor with only a tape recorder for company. I felt their pain; I'm a skeptic, too, but I am also a chickenshit.

Reece Shearsmith's Haunted House
2 Episodes 50mb

The League of Gentlemen's Ghost Chase
32mb

2011-10-24T03:24:00.000-05:00

Halloween Countdown: Spectre

2011-10-23T23:26:00.000-05:00

Do people still download movies? In previous Halloween Countdowns, I've offered downloads of stuff not readily available on DVD in the US. But these days, just about anything can be found on YouTube, and even Netflix's rather haphazard streaming library contains several obscure gems. On the other hand, streaming quality can vary greatly, and due to licensing and copyrights on-line videos disappear almost as fast as they are put up. Personally, I like having my own copy of things, whether on disc or digital file, that I can watch when and how I want.

With that in mind, tonight's treat is Spectre, a 1977 made-for-TV movie produced and co-written by Gene Roddenberry. It follows the exploits of a pair of occult investigators, former criminologist William Sebastian (Robert Culp) and skeptical physician Amos "Ham" Hamilton (Gig Young), as they attempt to help a British family seemingly plagued by the supernatural

Spectre was a pilot for a potential series and it's a shame it wasn't picked up. I'm a big Robert Culp fan and he's a blast as a groovy "Me Decade" update of the ghost buster archetype. The pairing of a criminologist and a medical man was meant to evoke Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, and in turn the added believer/skeptic dynamic surely must have inspired the development of The X-Files. The location shooting in the UK not only helps set a Gothic tone but also gives Brit TV fans a chance to spot some familar faces; most notably a very young John Hurt, but Gordon Jackson (Upstairs, Downstairs and The Professionals) and Ann Bell (Tenko) turn up as well. About the only sour note are some rather woeful creature effects, but that actually added to my enjoyment of the film because I'm a dork or something.

The file is my own rip from a DVD recording I made of a Fox Movie Channel broadcast of the international theatrical version of Spectre. (Whew!) Whether you partake of the download or stream the YouTube video, Spectre is just the kind of fun Halloween viewing we encourage here at the Sanctum.

Spectre (1977)
700mb

Groovy or spooky? You make the call!

2011-10-23T08:26:00.000-05:00

Halloween Countdown: There Are Monsters

2011-10-22T12:45:00.001-05:00

Today was the family Halloween party, so I only have time for brief post. But it's a good one, a creepy little gem from director Jay Dahl.

There Are Monsters

Canada, 2008

2011-10-22T03:53:00.000-05:00

Haloween Countdown: 'Salem's Lot

2011-10-21T23:50:00.002-05:00

After taking last year off, I'm resurrecting the Halloween Countdown. Over the next ten days I will be sharing some treats that I hope will keep the eggs off my windows and the TP off my front lawn. First up is a BBC Radio dramatization of the Stephen King classic, Salem's Lot.

Salem's Lot was the first King novel I read and I think it still ranks as his best work. The book has been adapted for television twice, first as a fondly-remembered CBS mini-series directed by Tobe Hooper in 1979, and later as a rather lackluster TNT production in 2004. In 1995, the BBC sunk their teeth into the yarn and created the radio drama I'm sharing tonight.

While the production is up to the BBC's usual high standards, I'm afraid the audio quality is not. These mp3's date back to the dawn of the internet, when OTR fans ripped programs at shockingly low bitrates to conserve precious, precious RAM. Still, this version of Salem's Lot is well worth a listen for fans of vampires, Stephen King, and/or 64kb recordings.

Salem's Lot (BBC 1995)
64kb 7 Episodes 92mb

Prints of Rodolfo Reye's poster can be purchased at this link.

2011-10-21T22:53:00.001-05:00

Holy Divers

2011-10-20T23:39:00.000-05:00

From Emirates247.com:

Saudi divers find 22 'magic' items under water

Monday, October 17, 2011

Saudi divers involved a government clean-up campaign at the Gulf Kingdom’s beaches tumbled across 22 talismans and other magic items, which were handed to the religious police for destruction.

Nearly 100 divers took part in the campaign, which resulted in the removal of more than four tonnes of waste along the beach and the sea bed in the northwestern town of Tabuk, newspapers said.

The waste included 22 talismans and other items involving magic spells and were handed to the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice,” the Arabic language daily Sabq said.

“The anti-magic committee examined the items and found that some of them are still active and that they have been dumped there for magic work….all those items were neutralized and destroyed by the committee.”

I am sure that some of the "talismans" were simply good luck charms and the equivalent of St. Christopher's medals and devotional scapulars dropped by bathers. But Tabuk Province is just across the Red Sea from Sudan, where traditional magical practices are still part of daily life. While some of the talismans may have washed up after being lost or cast into the sea, others may have had a more local origin. Just last month, a Sudanese resident of Saudi Arabia was executed for practicing sorcery:

Sudanese man beheaded for “witchcraft”

Bikya Masr Staff | 20 September 2011

A Sudanese man has been beheaded in Saudi Arabia after being accused of sorcery and witchcraft, the country’s interior ministry confirmed on Monday.

The man, Abdul Hamid bin Hussein Mostafa al-Fakki, had been arrested in 2005 and charged with “witchcraft” two years later. He was sentenced to death in the western city of Medina after being found guilty of what the court said was “producing a spell designed to lead to the reconciliation of his client’s divorced parents.”

Details of the case have been largely muted, but international organizations had been calling for the man to be set free and not executed. Their efforts failed.

Amnesty International had tried unsuccessfully to prevent the execution of al-Fakki, who lived as a migrant worker in the Gulf Kingdom.

The crime of “sorcery” is not clearly defined in Saudi Arabian law, according to the London-based human rights group.

At least 43 people have already been executed in Saudi Arabia this year, making it one of the leading country’s in the world to use the death penalty.

On one hand, the idea of an anti-supernatural police force is kinda cool. On the other hand, theocracies suck.

This Week's Loose Ends

2011-10-18T22:10:00.001-05:00

OM freaking G, I am never going to get through Z is for Zombie at this rate. I am watching the films at a fairly decent pace, but it's taking me forever to write up the entries and my schedule is a mess as it is. Work has slowed down a little, but I'm worried that it's because it's not because I am caught up but because I am forgetting something really important.

----------------------------------------------------------

Speaking of work, I had a fairly weird morning yesterday. As I was pulling out of the garage, I again spotted the woman who lurks in my alley. She's out there day and night, not smoking or texting or anything but just standing around. It's getting pretty danged obvious that she's a lookout and there's a meth lab or something across the way from me. Joy.

Once I was on the expressway, I was almost in an accident when some douche in a Scion cut me off right before the car now in front of him slams on the brakes. It was a very close call, followed almost immediately by another near miss when the pick-up truck behind me swerved around and across several lanes to cut-off the Scion in an apparent act of retaliation.

When I got to the parking lot, I was flagged down by a couple of guys who thought I worked there. It took some effort to convince them I didn't.

Finally, a couple of blocks from my office, I saw this:

A futile gesture from an aggrieved commuter, or a sign of some shadowy internecine struggle?

----------------------------------------------------------

My buddy Garz passed on a blog entry about supposed Mothman sightings in my own fair metropolis. The behavior of the critter in the first report seems less like that of John Keel's harbinger of doom and more like that of the Mad Gasser of Matoon. Flying around in broad daylight, as in the second reported sighting, doesn't match up with the Mothman M.O. either. Maybe it isn't an ultraterrestrial but an honest-to-gosh superhero or villain making the scene? A geek can dream.

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While on the topic of superheroes (segues, kids - they're not just geek transport), I have been following the case of Phoenix Jones, self-styled superheroic defender of Seattle. The links below have all the details, but essentially a member of the Real Life Superhero Movement was arrested for assault after using pepper spray on a small crowd. Jones' claims he was breaking up a fight; the victims claim they were just dancing. Luckily, Jones had a camera crew with him and the recording backed up his side of the story. No charges were filed.

I'm glad nobody was seriously hurt, but I am convinced it's only a matter of time before someone is. Take a look at Phoenix Jones' Wikipedia page. It mentions a couple of incidents where Jones was attacked with a gun or knife, and a quick perusal of the linked articles turns up a couple more. Crime-fighting is dangerous work even for police officers with their training and equipment and training and backup and, you know, training. An enthusiastic amateur is looking for trouble in more ways than one.

And even if these reports are just Jones puffing up his own reputation, it's still a worrying sign. A central part of the superhero fantasy is putting foot up evildoer ass. At some point escorting old ladies through dark parking lots is not going to be satisfying enough.

I love comics and I had superheroic dreams of my own while growing up. Part of me is thrilled that people are trying to bring those stories to life. But the Real Life Superheros are walking a razor line. They are trying to live out a fantasy that revolves around violent conflict, and their activities bring them into contact with people who are more than willing to indulge them in that violence. Sooner or later, some would-be hero is going to get carried away and commit an actual assault. Sooner rather than later, some would-be hero is going to get killed.

Links: Seattle's self-styled superhero arrested (CNN)
Unmasked Seattle superhero vows to keep fighting crime (MSNBC)

Z is for Zombie: P is for Pathogen

2011-10-18T19:47:00.005-05:00

P is for Pathogen
USA, 2006

The Zombies: Romero Ghouls.

The Source: Nanotech in the drinking water.

The Result: The bestest zombie movie ever made by a twelve-year-old girl.

I honestly believe this is how most tweens would react to a neighbor being devoured by zombies.

When nanotechnology developed as a cancer cure contaminates a suburban town's drinking water, the inhabitants suffer some rather unfortunate side effects.

Pathogen is the first feature film from Emily Hagins, who was only twelve when production began. I first heard about it when the documentary on its making, Zombie Girl: The Movie, hit the festival circuit a couple of years back. Intrigued by the idea of a pre-teen girl producing her own zombie flick, I ordered a copy directly from the filmmaker herself. It's been sitting in my to-watch pile for a while, and I'm glad I finally got around to viewing it for my current project.

I don't want to set unrealistic expectations. This is a film written, directed, and edited by a twelve-year-old using a minuscule budget, an amateur cast, and ambient lighting. But there's definitely talent on display here, and despite all limitation Ms. Hagins has managed to create some nicely framed shots and a very effective opening credit montage.

More importantly, though, Pathogen is a lot of fun. There's a conversation in the movie that's essentially this:

SCIENTIST: "Hey, have you seen my slides with that hazardous nanotech
on them?"
ADMIN: "Nope! But I wouldn't worry about it! Just go home and relax!"
SCIENTIST: "Oke-doke!"

I exaggerate only a little. We've seen and groaned at variations on this conversation in a thousand different horror films. Pathogen just distills it down to its purest form. Pathogen distills all zombie movie conventions down to their purest form, whether it's survivors standing around slack-jawed while others are being eaten or the guy who just won't open the damn door while his friends are being attacked on the other side. Pathogen plays out like a kid relating the highlights of a horror show to a hushed crowd on the school playground. It's spooky, innocent fun. It's what Halloween is all about.

"Bieeeeeee-berrrrrrrr!"

Pathogen may not have scared me, but it certainly impressed me.

3.5 Ghouls

Z is for Zombie: Apocalypse of the Dead

2011-10-14T16:12:00.008-05:00

A is for Apocalypse of the Dead
Serbia, 2009

The Zombies: Romero Ghouls, with a couple of random Snyder Sprinters.

The Source: Ancient plague exposed to ammonia (?!?)

The Result: A rehash of other, better movies with an Eastern European accent.

This film even put the zombies to sleep.

A Yugoslavian construction crew unearths an ancient plague pit in the 1980's. Thirty years later, a Serbian railroad tanker is ruptured by an inebriated American soldier in town for a UN military exercise. A strange gas escapes from the tanker and zombifies the local populace. Survivors from various walks of life - including a group of Interpol operatives transporting a mysterious prisoner - band together to fight off the undead and make it to the end credits.

This one was literally painful to watch. As the directors decided to use shaky cam for every damn scene, they had to resort to incessant crash zooms in and out to spice up the action moments. Trying to keep my eyes focused on anything happening in the movie caused my work-induced headache to blossom into a full-blown migraine.

Apocalypse of the Dead is a Serbian production shot in English. Aside from mistaking camera movement for tension, this is the film's biggest hurdle. As language ability seems to have been the primary hiring consideration, the acting ranges from acceptable to embarrassingly amateurish, with the chap playing the professor deserving special mention for ineptness*. Throughout the film are scenes in which half the actors are dubbed and the rest are recorded on-set, which is a bit disconcerting until you get used to it. (Yet for some reason, a trio of mush-mouthed party-goers get to keep their original voices intact.) And even the native speakers sound uncomfortable in English due to having to work with screenwriters and directors who were not entirely facile in the language. The dialogue for the religious fanatic is particularly grating, and not in the way the writers may have intended.

The decision to shoot in English might have been a marketing call, but I think there's plenty of evidence that the guys behind the camera were simply big fans of American zombie movies. There's a lot in-joke character names and some rather clunky references to other (better) films. Apocalypse also brings together more action movie stereotypes than an RPG player character group - the badass American cop, the mysterious stranger with a katana, the two-gun hottie, and the psycho killing machine. And then there's the presence of Ken Foree, iconic for his role in the original Dawn of the Dead but not what you would call a zombie movie staple.

Trouble is, Apocalypse takes it's love of other zombie films too far. It follows a well-worn path without adding anything new. It's almost as if the directors are working from a checklist; the character that gets bit and dies a slow but noble death, the character that goes crazy and throws herself into a pile o' zombies, the character that betrays everyone else in an attempt to save his own skin, etc. The only interesting bit is the scene pictured above, where the survivors come across a bunch of undead sprawled out in the sun. But the movie doesn't really do anything with this concept except set up a poorly-executed take on a scene from Aliens.

I can't make up my mind if Apocalypse of the Dead is a homage to American zombies films or a calculated rip-off of them. I can say that if the filmmakers had tried to something original and more, well, Serbian the results would have been a lot more interesting. And for the love of Cthulhu, STOP WITH THE DAMN SHAKY CAM!

Worst. Pagliacci. EVER!

Half a ghoul for good intentions, half a ghoul for hiring Ken Foree, half a ghoul for making a drunk American directly responsible for the apocalypse.

1.5 Ghouls

*His performance took me back to 80's Hong Kong action flicks and the 90's Godzilla series, where random gweilo/gaijin were hired for key roles simply because they looked European and understood the local language. Acting ability was not required in those cases, either.

Chainsaws & Duct Tape

2011-10-12T14:00:00.000-05:00

A Midwestern hardware store chain is using zombies as marketing tool. (Ha!) From the Omaha World-Herald:

Undead enliven hardware sales

By Erin Golden
Published Monday October 10, 2011

Having trouble keeping your dog safe from zombies? Worried about the wandering undead messing up your neatly manicured lawn?

A regional hardware chain with nine stores in Omaha, Council Bluffs and Lincoln is tackling those challenges — and plenty of other zombie-related concerns — with an advertising campaign that's catching the attention of local customers as well as zombie enthusiasts from around the world.

Westlake Ace Hardware's Zombie Preparedness Center, which was dreamed up by the Omaha public relations and advertising agency Bozell, was rolled out last week. In area stores, workers put up how-to posters ("A Human's Guide to Zombie Preparedness," for example, offers tips on purchasing the right power tools, cleaners and door locks to keep zombies at bay) and handed out "Zombie Prepared" buttons. On the company's website, "zombies" was added to a list of store specialties, alongside more standard topics like "fasteners" and "Benjamin Moore paint."

Facebook fans of the effort — more than 1,300 people had "liked" the page in less than three days — can now gather virtual tools for "zombie-proofing" a wall.

"I love the tone," said Liz Benditt, Westlake's director of customer relationship development. "If we can help you with your lawn and your home, we can help you with the zombie apocalypse."

It's an unusual approach for a business that typically depends on more traditional methods of marketing and interacting with customers. But Benditt said it's a risk that makes sense for the Lenexa, Kan.-based chain, which has 88 stores in the Midwest and Southwest.

Over the past few years, working with Bozell, the company has put a bigger emphasis on its ability to provide knowledgeable service in addition to tools and paint and light bulbs.

When Bozell suggested that Westlake use the same approach with zombies, there was a bit of hesitation.

But the team that put together the concept assured the hardware chain that it had done its research.

Zombies, it seems, are having a bit of a moment in pop culture, taking a starring role in television shows and video games and becoming a popular theme for parties and bar crawls. According to the National Retail Federation, it will be one of the top five adult Halloween costumes this year, jumping from No. 22 on last year's list.

And the people at Bozell found something else interesting: In a state-by-state ranking of zombie-related Internet searches, Nebraska ranked No. 7. Kansas and Oklahoma, which also have Westlake stores, were 6 and 8, respectively.

Though zombie fans come from all walks of life, Bozell found that many were part of a younger demographic that Westlake was interested in reaching: the 20- or 30-somethings who might prefer a big box store without thinking about trying a smaller hardware store.

Zombies, they figured, were a perfect tool to bridge the gap.

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On Wednesday, the first day of the campaign, the number of hits on Westlake's website doubled from the day before. By week's end the total volume of traffic had shot up by 17 percent.

On Twitter, the campaign has drawn mentions from as far away as the Philippines.

Bozell plans to keep adding new elements to the campaign throughout the month, including more marketing from the zombie perspective: Westlake shoppers might spot "A Zombie's Guide to Delaying Your Decay" posted in the store. (The poster suggests using bolts and fasteners to help with broken bones and stain sealer for a spray tan.

Full story at the link.

As mentioned in the article, the Westlake website has a zombie preparedness page with a downloadable defense guide and a rather nifty FAQ ("Several zombies have fallen into my swimming pool. What’s the best way to get them out?"). But though I hate to sound like a bigot, I am aghast at the new section pandering to the zombies themselves. Helping them "survive" is just helping them eat us. Westlake might as well post a human meat cut chart.

Assembled

2011-10-11T12:47:00.000-05:00

Please don't suck. Please don't suck. Please don't suck.

More Barsoomian Goodness

2011-10-10T23:14:00.082-05:00

Bleeding Cool has posted some photos of props and dioramas on display at a media event to promote the upcoming John Carter film this past weekend. There's images of weapons and other kit at the link above, but the creature designs are what captured my interest.

The Tharks are pretty badass.

White apes have typically been depicted as giant albino gorillas, so this design is kind of jarring. I like it, however, as it looks like an alien beast rather than just an Earth simian painted white. It also looks like it belongs to the same taxonomic family as the green martians, in the same way that the great apes are related to us.

I know they gotta sell toys, but this is a bit too cutsey for my tastes. Hopefully it's supposed to be only a puppy and not a full-grown calot.

I am really looking forward to John Carter, even more so than The Avengers. I'm a huge Barsoom fan and everything I've seen so far convinces me the folks working on the film are as well.

Z is for Zombie: Flight of the Living Dead

2011-10-03T23:49:00.001-05:00

F is for Flight of the Living Dead
USA, 2007

The Zombies: Snyder Sprinters.

The Source: Engineered virus.

The Result: A good old-fashioned monster romp.

Homeland Security has gotten really invasive.

A burgeoning biomedical corporation produces a "virus" that allows soldiers to keep on fighting after they've been mortally wounded, then compounds this error by transporting the test subject as luggage on board a transatlantic flight. As expected, the excrement makes physical contact with the electrical oscillating air current distribution device.

Flight of the Living Dead is surprisingly light in tone for a movie about reanimated corpses devouring people. The filmmakers seem to have been aiming for a Tremors / Deep Impact old school monster movie vibe, and while Flight doesn't quite succeed like those other films it's still an entertaining ride. The actors seem to be having fun (especially Kevin J. O'Connor, the 21st Century's answer to Peter Lorre), the zombies scoot about with prop limbs hanging from their mouths like rubber chew toys, and there's more than a few clever gags scattered here and there.

Younger viewers probably won't pick up how Flight is structured like Airport and other 70's disaster flicks in that nearly the first third is spent setting up the personal dramas of the myriad characters before catastrophe strikes and forces them to overcome their more mundane problems. Or, you know, get eaten.

"Peeeeannnnnnutssssss!"

Flight of the Living Dead is not bleak, it's not nihilistic, and it doesn't dwell on pain and suffering like almost all of the "horror" flicks clogging up your nearby RedBox. For that alone it's worth a rental.

3 Ghouls

Zombie Social Calendar for October

2011-10-03T19:02:00.000-05:00

I'm sure more events will pop up in the coming weeks, but here's what has come across my monitor screen so far:

Theater-Hikes is a group that stages theatrical performances in an outdoor setting, with the audience moving from location to location for each change in scene. On their schedule this fall is a production of Night of the Living Dead, with regular weekend performances at the Morton Arboretum (Saturdays and Sundays through October 30) and a couple of one-off shows at other locations around town. It seems like it could be fun, but I wouldn't go for the same reason I avoid zombie walks - the last thing I need is an assault charge resulting from some over-exuberant actor triggering my Post-Zombie Stress Disorder.

It's also the reason why I will not be attending zomBcon in Seattle (October 21-23). That and I doubt I can summon up enough interest in zombies to last three straight days (evidence of this blog to the contrary). There are some interesting guests, but I'd prefer a more general horror con like Chiller Theatre. Looks like they've got Hammer babes this year. Hmm....

Finally, some of the Wall Street protestors were dressed up as zombies today, which probably isn't going to help the cause much.

We Are The 99 Percent

2011-10-03T16:17:00.001-05:00

This is the scariest thing you will read this Halloween season: http://wearethe99percent.tumblr.com/

"We are the 99 percent. We are getting kicked out of our homes. We are forced to choose between groceries and rent. We are denied quality medical care. We are suffering from environmental pollution. We are working long hours for little pay and no rights, if we're working at all. We are getting nothing while the other 1 percent is getting everything. We are the 99 percent."

I have a crappy job that requires me to put in 10-20 hours of unpaid overtime every week and I realize how lucky I am. I am frightened for my mom, for my family, and for my friends who are not as lucky. And I worry about how one bad day can leave me homeless and jobless.

Because all it takes is just one bad day to render meaningless all your careful planning, all your hard work, and all your good decisions. If you are an average American - and not one of the wealthiest 1% the GOP are concerned about protecting - then you are just one bad day away from ending up like the people posting their stories to the Tumbl feed above.

And that should frighten you far more than any ghoul or ghost ever could.

http://www.occupytogether.org/

Z is for Zombie: Night of the Living Dead - Reanimated

2011-10-02T23:25:00.000-05:00

N is for Night of the Living Dead - Reanimated
US, 2009

The Zombies: Classic Romero ghouls. Duh.

The Source: Unknown. There's some hoo-hah about a Venus probe, but nothing is ever confirmed.

The Result: A bona fide classic that inspired an entire genre of horror. Now with puppets.

Begun as an internet project, N is for Night of the Living Dead - Reanimated collects the work of nearly 150 international artists and animators who chose their favorite scenes from the classic film and re-envisioned them through their own artwork, with no restrictions on style, media or process.

This is definitely not the best way to experience the story for the first time, as some of the art styles make things difficult for a novice to follow. Yet the more abstract animations were some of my favorite segments. At one point the ghouls surrounding the house are reduced to flashes of white motion in the darkness that are still quite frightening on a primal level; the peaked triangle shapes evoke KKK hoods as they closed in on poor, doomed Ben.

I also loved the stop-motion segments using material such as Lego, paper cut-outs, and dolls (including "official" NotLD figures). And yes, puppetry is represented, by some clever use of hand puppets and some really beautiful shadow puppetry.

Some styles are repeated too often, so that at times it feels like the entire project is dominated by only a handful of contributors. Maybe they were simply the most prolific artists involved, but I can't help feeling that there had to be a better choice than returning again and again to the clumsy Poser-like CGI used by one "animator"; off-the shelf models that look nothing like the characters in the film, on sets that resemble nothing from the movie, moving crudely in ways that do not match the action in the original. Especially since the brief glimpses we get of the Lego stop-motion and shadow puppetry (to pick two examples) definitely left me wanting more.

But the merits of Night of the Living Dead - Reanimated outweigh its flaws. It serves as a great example of the creative and innovative work that can be done with public domain films - and serves as a reminder why we have the public domain in the first place.

3.5 Ghouls

Z is for Zombie: Garden of the Dead

2011-10-01T10:04:00.001-05:00

G is for Garden of the Dead
USA, 1974

The Zombies: EC Vengeance Seekers. Hardy, but vulnerable to conventional firearms.

The Source: Huffing formaldehyde. Yes, huffing formaldehyde.

The Result: A reallllllly long fifty-eight minutes*.

They're making zombies.

A group of inmates at a prison work farm spend their days doing unspecified yard work and getting high off of formaldehyde. The cons are gunned down during an escape attempt, only to rise from the dead after even more formaldehyde is leaked onto their communal grave. The zombies are intelligent (well, sentient anyway) and go on a killing spree until their one weakness is discovered - blue balls. The pretty young wife of one of their fellow prisoners is used to lure them into a hail of bullets. Fini.

Garden of the Dead is a zero-budget affair, and the absence of every dime is right there on the screen. The climax is especially lackluster given that the film spends time establishing the zombies' weakness towards bright lights; having the girl distract the undead until they were destroyed by the rising sun would have been a more poetic and satisfying ending (even if Nosferatu did it fifty years earlier).

Ted really needs to work on his grip.

The zombies use garden tools to dispatch their victims. Evil Fozzie would make some kind of "hoe" joke here, but he passed out during the film. Let's let him sleep, shall we?

1.5 Ghouls

*IMDB claims an 83 minute runtime for the film. Retromedia's horribly misframed print runs just over 58 minutes, and that's more than enough.

Z is for Zombies

2011-10-01T00:38:00.000-05:00

Gathered from the depths of my unwatched DVD pile and the dark recesses of the internet are 26 zombie flicks with one thing in common - I haven't watched any of them yet.

Because I still can't trust RapidShare and their ever-changing business model, there isn't going to be much of a Halloween Countdown this year. I still wanted to do something special, and so came up with the brilliant idea of watching and commenting on one zombie movie for each letter of the alphabet. To make things interesting, I decided that they should all be films I haven't seen before.

Once the caffeine and sugar wore off, I realized what a monumental task I was setting for myself, especially given my crazy work schedule. And the brutal truth is that I have already seen the cream of the zombie crop, and thus I will be subjecting myself to a buttload of crummy flicks. Still, I want to give it my best, even if I end up stretching this past Halloween.

To make things easier on me, I will be jumping around the alphabet instead of driving straight through. I will also be adopting a simple format for my "reviews" that will keep the required input to a minimum, though of course I will still babble on when inspired by particular gems. As part of this format, I will be using the following categories to describe the monsters in each film:

Classic Voodoo Zombies: Created by black magic, these are mindless but inhumanly strong creatures who exist only to serve the whims of their masters. They are deactivated when their reanimating spell is broken or by certain other traditional means. The most common variety of movie zombie until the late 1960's.
EC Vengeance Seekers: Intelligent undead with unfinished business. Usually unstoppable until they have achieved their goals, they are often possessed of supernatural powers. These zombies proliferated during the 1950's in tales published by EC Comics and gave Voodoo Zombies a run for their money in the 60's and 70's.
Romero Ghouls: Slow and stupid flesh-hungry fiends. Destroying or damaging the brain takes them down. The zombie of choice since 1978.
Snyder Sprinters: Essentially just Romero Ghouls on fast-forward.
Brain-Eaters: As featured in Return of the Living Dead and its successors, these ghouls are fast, smart, and virtually unkillable.
Other: Because some of us just don't fit into your button-down world, dig?

Finally, I'll be rating each film on a scale of 1 to 5, with a "5" representing a classic like Shaun of the Dead and "1" representing the kind of movie that sells for a buck at truck stops.

So sit back and get ready to watch another human being suffer needlessly. Happy Halloween!

At Least She's Not Claiming to Be A Shadmock

2011-09-30T09:01:00.002-05:00

More Florida vampires. You would think they would avoid such a sun-soaked state. From WTSP TV, Tampa:

Teen murder suspect Stephanie Pistey claims to be part vampire, part werewolf
3:42 PM, Sep 27, 2011

Panama City, Florida -- Police in Panama City believed 16-year-old Jacob Hendershot was beaten to death because Stephanie Pistey, 18, accused him of raping her.

Investigators say back in July, a group of Pistey's friends lured Hendershot to a house, killed him, then dumped his body in a storm drain. Five people, including Pistey, are charged with either murder or accessory after the fact.

But it's the lifestyles of some of the suspects that has taken this case in an entirely new direction.

n a jailhouse interview, Pistey tells TV station WJHG, "Since I was like, 12, ... I know this is going to be crazy, but I believe that I'm a vampire. Part of a vampire and part of a werewolf."

Police had previously stated the murder suspects may have been involved in a vampire cult. Pistey's comments from jail appear to give credence to that claim.

Pistey admits she was at the home where Hendershot was murdered, but says she was watching co-defendant Tammy Morris' two children. Morris was also charged with accessory to murder.

"I was the babysitter," Pistey says.

She denies drinking Hendershot's blood after the murder, but claims she has drunken her fiance's blood before.

Although she has not yet been convicted, Pistey expects to be behind bars for a long time.

"Now that I'm here, I'm pretty much figuring out that I'm just going to stay here the rest of my life."

Some of you may think that "half-vampire, half-werewolf" stuff is is just the bizarre power fantasy of a highly disturbed young woman. And you'd be right. But it's not without precedent.

Here's Uncle Vinnie to break it down for us.

Turkish Morgue Ready for the Undead

2011-09-30T08:38:00.000-05:00

A new morgue in Turkey appears to be catering to the all-important vampire market. From MSNBC:

Morgue ready in case bodies come back to life

Sensors and refrigerator door handles that open from inside are among features
Updated 9/29/2011 1:43:41 PM ET

ISTANBUL — Officials in a city in rural eastern Turkey, responding to an ancient local fear of being buried alive, have equipped the local morgue with the latest gadgetry in case any of the bodies stored there have been declared dead by mistake.

Alarms and electronic motion detectors in the mortuary in Malatya, a town not otherwise known for its modernity, will detect the slightest movement by a living person emerging from a coma or long period of unconsciousness.

The 36 refrigerators will be fitted with interior door handles to allow their occupants to climb out of their coffins and open the doors, Akif Kayadurmus, head of the municipal funerals service, told the state news agency Anatolian.

"The device detects even the slightest movement and sends out an alarm," Kayadurmus said. "We also placed a system at the feet of the deceased that opens the refrigerator in case of contact. The resurrections may be rare, but we have taken every possibility into account."

The morgue, which is due to open this week, will also have a lounge, a cafe and digital information panels to allow mourners to follow the washing and wrapping of the dead in accordance with Islamic tradition.

The motion detectors and door handles are 21st Century versions of the coffin bell and similar devices intended to comfort those who worry about being buried alive.

Worst Lolcat Ever

2011-09-29T16:37:00.000-05:00

From the Malaysia Star Online:

Hubby claims wife raped by ‘invisible man’
Wednesday September 28, 2011

A man has claimed that his wife was raped by an “invisible man”, Sin Chew Daily reported.

The youth, in his 20s, said his wife would remove her clothing, touch her own body and moan while sleeping at night, since a month ago.

He sought help from a medium, who then told him that someone had used black magic to take away the wife's “soul” and rape her.

The couple, from Bintulu, Sarawak, lodged a police report but the cops could not do anything to arrest the “invisible man”.

Ummmm.... Evil Fozzie?

"Yeah, I'll pass on this one".

Tommy Wiseau, Mexican Ninjas, and Watermelon Zombies

2011-09-26T23:10:00.063-05:00

Tommy Wiseau of The Room infamy has a new gig "reviewing" video games for a site called Machinima.com. Hey, it makes a much sense as anything else the man does.

What's awesome about this series is how it gives you the complete Wiseau Experience in a convenient pocket size. (Though they do miss the perfect opportunity to make a "tearing me apart" reference.) It made me want to rush out an buy a copy of Mortal Kombat for the opportunity to punch Tommy in the face, even if only by proxy.

---------------------------------------------

While we are on the subject, Rooster Teeth (the folks behind the immensely popular Red vs. Blue) produces a sporadic web series called Immersion in which various video game traditions are tried out in real life. Immersion falls closer to Deadliest Warrior than MythBusters on the scientific accuracy scale, but the premise of one episode caught my attention - during a zombie apocalypse, how well would the average person perform at making those critical headshots?

The results aren't exactly earth-shattering; folks with at least some firearms experience do far better than those without. But what is surprising is how poorly the noob does, missing with a shotgun twice at point-blank range. Factor in stress, panic, and environmental conditions... Man, I need to get to the range.

DVD Shuffle: Recent Release Round-Up

2011-09-20T14:00:00.239-05:00

I watch a lot of movies. Sometimes I ramble on about them.

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS (2011)

After a horrendously dire third installment and a muddle-headed spin-off, First Class puts the franchise back on track. Of course, I might be a bit biased, as a mash-up of superpowers and swingin' Sixties spy action is right up my alley (located just off Carnaby Street). Magneto and Xavier split up the James Bond persona between them, with Erik doing the globe-trotting, multilingual action stuff while Charles gets his Hugh Hefner on. Yes, the music, fashions, and slang are all a wee bit anachronistic, and yes, First Class plays merry heck with the previously established film continuity. But those are minor complaints at best when the movie is this much fun.

At least until the traditional superhero elements kick in during the film's last act. Nicholas Hoult and Jennifer Lawrence, who are rather endearing earlier in the film, end up buried under some pretty silly make-up that detracts from any poignancy in their later scenes. I also had some problems with how the movie dealt with ~~people~~ mutants of color (aside from blue and red); the team includes two ethnic minority members, one of whom is a stripper who breezily betrays her friends (and has no problem with trying to kill them when she next appears) and the other is the team's only fatality - even though his super-power is survival!

Ultimately, though, the third act suffers simply because too much is crammed in, too many major events from X-history are perfunctorily dealt with as if the filmmakers were working from a checklist. Look, we all know this was gonna be a trilogy, so why stuff so many important moments into the last act? I would have much rather seen the first film concentrate fully on the Cold War shenanigans of Xavier, Magneto, Beast and Mystique. (Mission: Impossible with mutants? Hell yes!) The recruitment and training of the expanded team should have been saved for the second film, where more time would have been available to develop the new characters more fully. The subplot of Beast's transformation should have been pushed back to the second film as well to let it play out with more heft. Finally, the split between Erik and Xavier would have been a natural ending point for the trilogy.

Still, First Class has a lot to offer. The change in setting and the (almost) complete changeover in the cast provided the fresh start the series desperately needed. While I would love to see more 1960's era adventures, sequels set in subsequent decades could be a lot of fun. We just might get to the Disco Dazzler yet.

A heads-up: word on the intertubes is that the blu-ray release of First Class has a lot of playback issues, especially on the PS3. Apparently, the problem is related to the BD Live service. My copy of the film froze up in my PS3 until I turned off the automatic internet connection and deleted out the BD Utility file for the disc.

PAUL (2011)

I had originally avoided this film due to the false impression that it was a Seth Rogen comedy that happened to feature Pegg & Frost rather than the other way around. By the time I learned of my mistake, Paul had completed its limited theatrical release. Which is a darn shame, because I really enjoyed the film once I caught up with it on blu-ray.

Paul is extremely geek-centric, filled with references and homages to SF flicks, comic books, and nerd pop culture. It feels a lot like a direct follow-up to Spaced; Simon Pegg once again plays a comic artist ala Tim Bisely, and the film even recycles a Star Wars riff from the tv show. However, Edgar Wright's participation is sorely missed, as Greg Mottola's s workmanlike direction lacks Wright's wit and invention (though that may be a limitation imposed to accommodate the CGI-rendered title character). But the fact that Paul looks and feels like an American movie ultimately works in its favor - it is about the boys' adventure in Yankeeland, after all.

While Paul may not be quite up to the standards of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, it's still a worthy successor that will keep fans happy until the last of the "Cornetto Trilogy" is released.

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER VOLUME XXI: MST3K VS. GAMERA (2011)

Although Amazon plopped this set on my doorstep the day of release, I am still working my way through Shout Factory's latest batch of bad movie goodness. Volume XXI includes all five episodes featuring Gamera films along with a wealth of extras.

Until now, MST3K fans had little hope of seeing these shows released. The rights issues for episodes riffing on Japanese movies were especially complex as they involved not only the holders of the original copyrights but the US distributors as well. And distributor Sandy Frank, who produced the syndicated versions of many of the films used by the program, reportedly held a grudge against MST3K for the drubbing he and his work took on the show. All this led to problems even when deals for certain movies had been made; Rhino issued a box set featuring Godzilla vs Megalon only to see it soon recalled.

But Shout Factory recently acquired the US DVD rights for the original Gamera series, and that somehow opened doors for the Mystery Science Theater versions to get released. It also appears that the rift with Sandy Frank has been patched, as not only do we get this box set but Mighty Jack and Time of the Apes in the next volume as well!

In the meantime, Volume XXI has plenty to enjoy. The standard Shout Factory extras are all here, including "mini-posters" of Steve Vance's sleeve art and animated menus featuring CGI versions of the 'bots in little skits incorporating riffs from the episode (these are especially fun this time out). There are three documentaries spread out over the discs; a retrospective featuring reminiscences from the cast and crew (though Mike Nelson and Kevin Murphy are conspicuous by their absence), an overview of the Gamera phenomenon by kaiju eiga expert August Ragone, and an interview with the Chiodo Brothers that is rather baffling for its inclusion. Mystery Science Theater Hour wraps and the movies' original trailers round out the collection.

As is mentioned in one of the documentaries, the Gamera movies brought out the best of the MST3K crew, and this set is well-worth picking up for that reason alone. Add in all the bonuses and the possibility that these episodes may soon go the way of Godzilla vs. Megalon, and it's a no-brainer purchase for even casual fans.

CINEMATIC TITANIC - EAST MEETS WATTS (2009)

Fans of Mystery Science Theater are probably better acquainted with Mike Nelson's RiffTrax than Cinematic Titanic, the follow-up project of original MST3K creator, Joel Hodgson. Rifftrax has been the more prolific of the two, with a couple dozen DVD releases and regular internet downloads offered. CT does not have a major distribution deal and their handful of productions have only available been through their website. It's a shame, as Cinematic Titanic deserves a wider audience.

I prefer the more playful antics of CT over RiffTrax, as I find Mike Nelson's acerbic humor ventures into the outright cranky at times, especially on his solo outings. I'll also cop to a preference for the CT crew's left-leaning sensibilities over Nelson's conservative bent, which can stray a bit too close to outright bigotry (particularly homophobia) on occasion.

However, I kinda think there's a "too many cooks" problem with Cinematic Titanic. It sometimes feels like everyone is waiting patiently for their turn and are more concerned with not stepping on each other's lines than delivering the quip. Possibly exasperating this effect is the fact that two of the CT crew, Mary Jo Pehl and Frank Conniff, had little experiencing performing riffs when the series began. The result is that the riffs don't seem to flow organically and the general patter seems more than a little stiff.

At least with their studio-bound releases. Cinematic Titanic is much better live in concert. I caught CT perform at the Lakeshore Theater back in 2008 and had a great time. (I might check them out when they come through the area again this fall, though I am kinda bummed that the shows scheduled feature movies that they have already done on DVD). The live audience adds a much-needed spontaneity to the proceedings, with the team ad-libbing and playing off the crowd's reactions and even cracking themselves up from time to time. The CT crew must have picked up on this, because all of their latest offerings have been recordings of live shows.

The first of the live releases was East Meets Watts, aka Dynamite Brothers, and the team couldn't have picked a better subject. It's an unruly mash-up of Hong Kong kung fu flick and blaxploitation film, one of many attempts to cash in on the massive success of Enter the Dragon. It's also a terrible, terrible movie helmed by notorious schlockmeister Al Adamson. Ridiculous fashions, interminable Defiant Ones rip-offs, and cringe-inducing dialogue abounds. East Meets Watts also features the worst song ever used to seduce a mute woman.

Holding up the East end is Alan Tang, who was far better known for romantic dramas (often opposite Bridgette Lin) than action movies. Representing Watts is Timothy Brown, former NFL star and cast member of the tv version of M*A*S*H*. The legendary James Hong turns up as a baddie. Hong Kong action fans should keep an eye out for Lam Ching Ying (who also choreographed) and JC Stunt Team perennial Mars!

East Meets Watts is a great introduction to Cinematic Titanic and worth hunting down. The film is ripe for riffing, and the jokes fly fast and furious. And if you get the chance to catch a Cinematic Titanic live show, I highly recommend it.

Random Image: Dandelion Mind

2011-09-19T14:08:00.003-05:00

Bill Bailey's Dandelion Mind Tour

Live at the House of Blues Chicago, 09/18/2011

Highlanders vs. Mondays!

2011-09-14T08:28:00.009-05:00

From the Star-Gazette of Elmira, NY:

Prattsburgh man accused of threatening deputies with sword

10:55 AM, Sep. 13, 2011

PRATTSBURGH -- The Steuben County Sheriff's Office arrested a Town of Prattsburgh resident Monday, accusing him of threatening deputies with a 30-inch sword during a check the welfare complaint.

Daniel J. Hoaglin, 33, of Butts Road, in the Town of Prattsburgh, was charged with one count of criminal possession of a weapon in the third degree, a class D felony and one count of menacing a police officer or peace officer, also a class D felony, according to a Sheriff's Office news release.

Hoaglin is accused of possessing a dangerous or deadly instrument and had previously been convicted of a crime, according to the release. The charges allege that Hoaglin's actions intentionally placed a police officer in fear of serious physical injury or death.

Hoaglin is accused of threatening deputies with a sword at a Butts Road address, according to the release. Deputies took Hoaglin into custody and he was arraigned in front of Judge William Hewson.

Hoaglin was released in his own recognizance for future appearance in Urbana Justice Court.

From the website of the St. Petersburg Times:

Moon Lake man accused of attacking ex-wife with sword

By Erin Sullivan, Times Staff Writer
In Print: Wednesday, September 14, 2011

MOON LAKE — Kevin Melady was arrested Monday after spending two months on the lam for attacking his ex-wife with a sword, authorities said.

Melady, 44, is accused of breaking into his ex-wife's mobile home on Laurel Street on July 3 after she allegedly had a man over at her place, a Pasco County Sheriff's Office report states.

Melady, who lives across the street from his ex, threatened to kill her, stabbed her in the ear with a sword and held the blade to her neck, causing a two-inch cut, the report states. The woman escaped and Melady avoided investigators.

Melady was arrested at his home on a warrant for aggravated battery and was released Monday on $15,000 bail.

And now, Evil Fozzie Bear comes out of a forced retirement:

"Wow. two Highlander stories in one day! Must be a double-header! Aahh! Get it? FUN-nee!"

"I'm a Vampire. I Am Going to Eat You"

2011-09-13T23:22:00.000-05:00

Everybody's covering this one. The post title comes from an alleged quote by the attacker as reported by some sources. This story below was taken from the website of the St. Petersburg Times (of Florida, not Russia). There's a mugshot of the would-be wurdalak at the link for this interested.

St. Petersburg police accuse woman, 22, of 'vampire' attack on man

By Danny Valentine, Times Staff Writer
In Print: Friday, September 9, 2011

ST. PETERSBURG — The vampire attacked just before midnight on the porch of a vacant Hooters.

Milton Ellis, 69, was sleeping in his motorized wheelchair when he awoke to find Josephine Rebecca Smith, 22, of Pensacola on top of him, said police spokesman Mike Puetz.

She told Ellis she was a vampire and bit his face and neck. She bit off chunks of his face and part of his lip, Puetz said.

Ellis managed to escape and called for help at a nearby Shell gas station, where he had just met Smith. Face bloodied, he directed police to the Hooters at 10400 Roosevelt Blvd. N.

Police found Smith there, half naked and covered in blood, but uninjured. They said she had no idea what happened or why her clothes were off. Ellis said she was dressed when he last saw her, police said.

Ellis first encountered Smith after a relative dropped her off the Shell station, at Roosevelt Boulevard N and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Street N, police said. Smith tried calling a relative in Pensacola to pick her up. Ellis invited her to hang out with him at the vacant Hooters until someone picked her up. He eventually fell asleep.

Smith was arrested on a charge of aggravated battery on an elderly person. Bail was set at $50,000.

Ellis, who needed stitches after the attack, has been arrested numerous times in Pinellas County for offenses including panhandling, disorderly intoxication, trespassing and possession of an open container.

Oh, Quincy Harker! How the mighty have fallen! And I love the idea of a cursed and abandoned Hooters, the ultimate downmarket version of the spooky old haunted house.

I guess I'm just a huge cynic, but I'm thinking there's more to the story than either party wants to relate. Something along the lines of, "john stiffs working girl, working girl teaches john a lesson".

On the other hand, the same newspaper reported on a vampire sub-culture in the area a few years earlier. They weren't White Wolf LARPers, but self-professed "psychic vampires" who claim to feed off the life energy of others without having to draw blood. From the article:

Anyone who wants to get into a Vampire Gathering needs to see the gargoyles first. They're the protectors, the first line of defense against heckling street preachers and tourists.

The women move along, but I remain, the first reporter ever allowed past the gargoyles, the first permitted to give you — my fellow "mundanes'' — a glimpse into their vampire world.

The monthly Gathering at the Castle nightclub isn't a role-playing game or a convention of Twilight fans. These people don't sleep in coffins, fear garlic or live forever.

But they do feel a need to feed on others, whether that means absorbing energy or blood. They call themselves vampires and consider their yearnings a physical affliction. They say they can't absorb energy like "mundanes," who often start every morning revved up for the day. They wake drained, needing to be charged.

Belief in psychic vampirism is nothing new, though until very recently it was more closely associated with black magicians and other occult practitioners. The ability to drain life energy was supposedly gained through the use of spells or by developing certain mental powers. But the current generation of "psy-vamps" don't have time for that sort of effort. Like their kindred spirits the therianthropes and the otherkin, similar groups that have also created supernatural self-identities based on popular culture, they consider themselves to have been born special.. Thus, they don't have to put any effort into mastering complicated rituals in order to be better and more powerful than the "mundanes" around them, they simply have to be. Kids today, huh?

All that said, I'm still sticking with the "pissed-of hooker" angle.

Real Life Supervillians Suck #3

2011-09-08T21:28:00.000-05:00

Soooo disappointed that Pokey wasn't driving the getaway car. From Reuters:

Man dressed as Gumby tries to rob store

By Alex Dobuzinskis
LOS ANGELES | Thu Sep 8, 2011 11:14am EDT

(Reuters) - In the world of animated TV, it's no stretch to say that good-natured Gumby is far down the list of characters that would commit armed robbery.

But a man clad in a full-figured Gumby costume has made a botched attempt to rob a 7-Eleven store in California, and authorities are looking for the suspect, police said on Wednesday.

It happened early on Monday when the man came into the San Diego store dressed as the green claymation figure, accompanied by an ordinarily dressed accomplice, San Diego Police spokesman Detective Gary Hassen said.

The costumed man announced he was robbing the store, but the clerk thought it was a joke, police said.

"Gumby said, 'You don't think it's a robbery? Let me show you my gun,'" Hassen said.

The suspect then tried to reach into his Gumby outfit but experienced a "costume malfunction" and could not fit his hand in a pocket, he said.

Instead of a gun, the costumed suspect pulled out 26 cents in change which he dropped on the floor, police said.

The accomplice, who had left the store and gotten into a minivan, honked at the man dressed as Gumby. He, too, walked out of the store without managing to take any money, police said. Both men left in the minivan.

After their getaway, the store clerk was still not certain an attempted robbery had occurred and did not call police. The store manager, who arrived later that morning, reported the incident.

Police were treating the episode, which was captured on surveillance video, as an attempted robbery and not a prank, Hassen said.

Gumby, a green humanoid figure who looks like an elastic stick of gum with limbs, was created in the 1950s by the late Art Clokey and his wife, Ruth. Gumby had a sidekick, the talking orange horse Pokey.

YouTube has video. Of course.

Props for the entrance. He got everyone's attention focused on him in classic supervillain style. But it all went down in flames from there. Not only did Gumby not get away with any money, not only did he completely fail to even get the robbery started, but he left money of his own at the scene! That's the exact opposite of what a heist should be! It's beyond pathetic!

Any costumed criminals operating in San Diego - and I know you're out there - owe it to themselves to track down this loser and deal with him in the name of community pride.

Highlander vs. Hoosiers!

2011-09-07T13:50:00.004-05:00

Highlanders love Labor Day, too! But maybe a little too much. From the Chicago Sun-Times:

Indiana police nab shirtless ‘samurai’ marching down I-65

Sun-Times Media Wire September 4, 2011 10:18PM
Updated: September 7, 2011 11:14AM

A not-so-stealthy “samurai” who told police he was “cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs” is in jail after allegedly abandoning a vehicle on the middle of a busy Indiana interstate to march shirtless with a 35-inch sword.

Indiana State Police Trooper Ricky Rayner found a white, older-model Toyota abandoned in the middle lane of Interstate 65 and a shirtless man marching on the inner shoulder with a 35-inch samurai sword about 2:30 p.m. just south of U.S. Highway 30, according to a release from Indiana State Police.

“The man was marching like a drum major, holding the sword, moving it up and down in rhythm with his marching cadence,” State Police said.

When Rayner approached, the man swung the sword in a defensive manner but then dropped the sword in compliance with the trooper’s order, the release said.

The man -- dressed only in plaid shorts and slip on shoes -- then tried to force his way into a 2010 Chevrolet sport-utility vehicle that swerved and stopped on the inner shoulder to avoid a responding Merrillville police vehicle responding to the incident, State Police said.

A Merrillville police officer finally ordered him to the ground at gunpoint and handcuffed him, the release said. He was taken to the Lake County (Ind.) jail, where he told police he was “cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.”

The man, who appeared to be in his 40s but refused to give police his name, was charged with attempted car jacking, resisting law enforcement and possession of marijuana, State Police said.

Silly reporter! It's ninja who are supposed to be masters of stealth, not samurai!

And the Gathering is getting really close to home. I've got family living in that area.

Voodoo Car Crash

2011-09-06T23:07:00.002-05:00

From Emirates247.com (UAE):

Magic blamed for road mishap

Published Friday, September 02, 2011

A Saudi man and his family suffered from medium injuries when their car overturned in the Gulf Kingdom and police believe the accident could have been caused by magic, press reports said on Friday.

Police checking the damaged car found pieces of human nails and hair tied to each other and wrapped in a handkerchief, which was concealed under one seat, Ajel Daily said in a report from the northwestern town of Hail.

“Security officials believe the accident was caused by magic after finding those items in the car…the maid was with the family when the accident occurred but it was not immediately known if she was involved in the magic work.”

While obviously magic didn't really cause the accident, it's interesting that the car does appear to have been cursed by someone. I wonder how long the talisman had been in the car and who placed it there. While I hear lots of witchcraft stories coming out of Sub-Saharan Africa, I don't often come across any from Arab countries. Maybe these types of stories get underreported as they don't really fit into our narrative about the Islamic world. On the other hand, the UAE hosts a lot of foreign "guest workers" who are treated rather infamously by their employers; it's not unlikely that the sorcerous time-bomb came from one of them.

Beware the Grease Devils!

2011-08-16T15:33:00.004-05:00

Sri Lanka is gripped by a monster panic! Reports of bizarre creatures - or villains posing as such - are flooding in from across the country. Here's a long article on the current frenzy from the Sunday Times of Sri Lanka:

What the devil is going on?

Real or imaginary ‘grease yakas’ are frightening and attacking women; villagers are taking the law into their own hands with deadly consequences; while police say ‘grease yakas’, creation of the media, thieves and drug addicts behind incidents

By Chris Kamalendran
Sunday August 14, 2011

Ushanar Marzuka, 31, a mother of two living in a remote area in Valaichchenai on Wednesday was preparing lunch when she realised that the battery on her mobile phone was low. Since her household did not have electricity she left her two children at home and walked over to a neighbour’s house to charge her phone.

As she made her way back home, she says she was obstructed by two men clad in T-shirts and shorts with faces painted black. “They asked me where I was heading. As I responded one man tried to grab me by my hand. I freed myself and pushed him back. In the process one of them scratched me with a sharp object he carried in his hand,” Marzuka who is being treated for injuries at the Valaichchenai hospital told the Sunday Times over the telephone.

“I ran back to my neighbours house and bolted the doors and windows. We shouted for help but no one heard us. An hour later we opened the front door armed with a pole and called out for help,” she continued.

This time neighbours hearing cries for help arrived at the scene. And soon more than 100 villagers, some of them armed with clubs, some on motorcycles started searching for the two men albeit without any success, the Sunday Times learns.

“I was rushed to hospital and there I was told a man had been arrested about a kilometre away from our homes. But from the descriptions told to me I felt they had got the wrong person,” Marzuka said.

The villagers had apparently taken into ‘custody’ a man and questioned him. He had said he was visiting one of his relatives. The villagers had not believed him and beat him up.

Chief Trustee of the Ottamavadi Grand Mosque, S.M. Shifdeen said the villagers had detained a person and informed the area Police, but Police had delayed in arriving on the scene aggravating the situation.

“Two hours later the suspect was taken to the police. Rumours began to spread that the man was to be released. The rumours started because a man behaving in a suspicious manner who had been handed over to the army in the adjoining village had been released without any investigation,” he said. ‘Tension soon arose leading to a clash with police. Stones were thrown at the police prompting them to fire into the air,” Mr. Shifdeen said.

The villagers called for a hartal in Ottamavadi the next day and Eastern Province DIG Thilak Wijegunawardena held a meeting later in the day with religious leaders, officials and the army to find a solution to the mounting tension. Four policemen were transferred out of the station. As police were taking action to defuse the tension at Ottamavadi, a more serious incident was taking place in the Thotalgala tea estate –eight kilometres from Haputale.

A group of female tea pluckers were going about their routine work in the estate when two people in black t-shirts had reportedly jumped on them from a tree. The two men were soon caught by fellow labourers who started assaulting them. With more and more workers converging on the scene they were beaten to death.

Hours earlier two other men behaving in a suspicious manner had been apprehended by villagers in the same area. They had assaulted the two men apparently in the presence of police. This led to a clash between the police and villagers, which left the OIC of the area police and a constable injured. Because of this earlier incident police had delayed about five hours to reach the scene at Thotalagala estate, the Sunday Times learns.

“Police may have been able to save the lives of those two if they had arrived on time,” an estate official said. The bodies were taken to the Badulla hospital on Friday for postmortem. Family members of the victims had identified the men as Somasundaram Mahendran (29) and Sylvester John Peter (35).

Family members claim that the two men had gone into the estate to collect some overdue payments for some rugs they had sold to people on the estate. However this was dismissed by the estate workers.

These are not isolated incidents. Similar incidents are being reported from various parts of the country, some ending in fatal consequemces. In most cases the villagers have taken the law into their hands as they say they have no confidence in the police.

In various parts of the country youth armed with poles and clubs were reported to be keeping night vigil looking out for suspicious-looking people who are now being widely termed as ‘grease yakas’.

In Daulagala, off Kandy a 23 year old youth who was among a group of villagers giving chase to a suspicious person got entangled in a live electrical wire set to a trap wild boar and was electrocuted.

In two separate incidents in Nawagattegama sightings of ‘grease yakas’ were reported. In one instance police arrested a person who apparently turned out to be a mentally-handicapped patient, while in the other incident a woman had run into the jungle after she claimed she was frightened off by a man.

With villagers in several areas taking the law into their hands, tension appears to be mounting. In Sammanturai and Pottuvil two teams of WildLife officers carrying out an elephant census came under attack on Thursday night.

In Sammanturai two officers were given chase by the villagers and they ended up at the police station. Villagers had then pelted stones at the police prompting them use tear gas to disperse the crowds. The STF was called to control the situation.

In Urani, Pottuvil, villagers attacked three WildLife officers prompting the army to intervene. Villagers had attacked the soldiers as well. On Friday, villagers detained three boys who were apparently loitering in the Vinayagapuram area of Tirukkovil and handed them over to the police. Later, hundreds of people had converged at the police station demanding that the boys be handed over to them to carry out their own ‘investigations’.

Villagers set fire to tyres , pelted stones at the police prompting them to open fire injuring two villagers. The army was called to the area to control the situation. In Habarana, a man had reportedly attacked two women scratching them on their chest. The women were in their homes when the incidents occurred. “I am scared to stay in my own home,” one of the women told the Sunday Times.

In Kantale a garment factory girl was returning after work when a person in a full –faced helmet had molested her. The man had escaped. In Agarapatana on Friday morning three unidentified persons were reported to have frightened female tea pluckers who were on their way to work. At least five women had fainted on seeing the men, the Sunday Times learns.

In Galewela two Army deserters and an ex-soldier were arrested for acting as ‘grease yakas’ and frightening women in the area. In one case a 28-year-old Army deserter was arrested for walking naked at night while another was arrested for peeping through windows. In a deadly twist to these incidents, youth armed with swords, knives and iron poles are roaming the villages at night to prevent such incidents, the Sunday Times learns.

Galewela OIC, Rukshantha Perera in an apparent attempt to prevent villagers taking the law into their hands had summoned the vigilance committees and told them only to keep watch. He warned them that anyone walking after 7. p.m. armed with clubs and swords would be arrested.

Back at Police Headquarters in Colombo, Police Chief N.K. Illangakoon on Thursday addressed a news conference. He said thieves and drug addicts were operating on these areas. Senior DIG Pujith Jayasundara said there were no ‘grease yakas’ and it was a creation of the media.

But villagers continue to live in fear and uncertainty, whether it be real or imaginary ‘grease yakas’ or thieves who are prowling in their villages.

Waves of mass hysteria centering on cryptozoological critters are still pretty common. Witch panics occur regularly in Sub-Saharan Africa, India was plagued by a "monkey man" not too long ago, and then there's the Malaysian orang minyak rampage I posted on a few years back. The grease yaka is identical to the orang minyak in both appearance and behavior, right down to the tales of ne'er-do-wells disguising themselves as the demonic entities to facilitate their criminal activities.

And that bit of folklore is central to the current panic. The mobs are out looking for human criminals and not supernatural beings. That means this grease yaka frenzy may have more in common with the clown scares and other "pedo panics" of the West than the full-blown monster hysteria associated with the developing world.

For those interested in reading more, Brian Chapman of the Forteana Yahoo Group has done an amazing job of collating news stories on the events:

Drunken 'grease devils' scare women
Daily Mirror [Sri Lanka] | 2 August 2011
Grease yakas, a fiction
Daily News [Sri Lanka] | 5 August 2011
Special Task Force on the look out for 'grease devils'
Daily Mirror [Sri Lanka] | 11 August 2011
Three die in "Grease Devil" curse
Sunday Times [Sri Lanka] | 11 August 2011
Dancing the devil
Daily Mirror [Sri Lanka] | 11 August 2011
STF to go after 'Grease Devils'
Daily Mirror [Sri Lanka] | 11 August 2011
'Grease Devils' -- Myth: IGP
Daily Mirror [Sri Lanka] | 11 August 2011
"Grease Devil" panic grips rural Sri Lanka, at least three dead
Reuters | 12 August 2011
Site of 'grease devil' saga gets STF protection
Daily Mirror [Sri Lanka] | 13 August 2011
Curfew in Pottuvil; One Killed in Clashes
Daily Mirror [Sri Lanka] | 13 August 2011
An unbelievable collapse of confidence in law enforcement
The Sunday Times [Sri Lanka] | 14 August 2011
The Grease Yaka Sightings: Fact Vs. Myth
The Sunday Leader [Sri Lanka] | 14 August 2011

I Was a Teenage Exorcist

2011-08-12T09:47:00.003-05:00

Ah, the Religious Right. It's gotten to the point where we can't tell hoax from reality from Japanese cartoon show. From that bastion of good taste, the Daily Mail:

‘We're not like normal teenagers'
Meet the exorcist schoolgirls who spend their time casting out DEMONS around the world
Brynne Larson, 16, is one of many newly-qualified teenage demon slayers
Reverend Bob Larson of Spiritual Freedom Churches runs exorcist school
No set protocol for exorcisms but girls carry a Bible, holy water and a cross
By Jeff Maysh
Last updated at 6:37 PM on 11th August 2011

The five teenage girls might look like they’re in a normal class, eagerly reading their textbooks and answering their teacher’s questions diligently.

But the textbooks are Bibles and the girls all have crosses instead of protractors, as they train to become exorcists - real exorcists who fight demons, curses and evil spells.

‘People do look a bit surprised when I arrive,’ admits graduate exorcist Brynne Larson. ‘When people call for an exorcist, they don’t picture a 16-year-old high school girl.’

But Brynne, from Phoenix, Arizona, is one of a new breed of qualified teenage demon slayers, who answered a call when the Church made the admission of there being a worldwide exorcist shortage.

But despite drastic efforts, supply has still not met demand for the controversial ceremony.

The Vatican’s chief exorcist Father Gabriele Amorth, 85, has revealed that he alone has dealt with 70,000 cases of demonic possession.

‘The Church just can’t keep up with demand. But I have 100 teams of trained exorcists working all over the world, and outbreaks of demonic possession are getting out of control. Our phone lines are ringing constantly - we receive up to 1,000 individual requests monthly, and we travel to countries like Africa, Ukraine, England and even Australia'

So if the forces of darkness start getting the upper hand, who should you call? Evangelist Reverend Bob Larson of Spiritual Freedom Churches International - and his remarkable school for exorcists.

‘Think of it more of an exorcist franchise,’ Rev Larson tells MailOnline exclusively.

‘The Church just can’t keep up with demand. But I have 100 teams of trained exorcists working all over the world, and outbreaks of demonic possession are getting out of control.

‘Our phone lines are ringing constantly - we receive up to 1,000 individual requests monthly, and we travel to countries like Africa, Ukraine, England and even Australia.’

But while his teams include exorcists aged up to 70, one group of his protégées are causing waves in the religious community. They are teenage girls.

Savannah Scherkenback, 19, and her sister Tess, 16, are Rev Larson’s latest graduates from his school for exorcists.

‘We have found that our female, teenage exorcists are particularly effective at curing the possessed,’ says Rev Larson, whose daughter Brynne is a supernaturally talented exorcist.

Highly experienced in casting out demons, saving souls, and banishing evil spirits to hell, she is also a student who enjoys styling her hair, shopping and meeting her friends at Starbucks.

Those friends include trainee undergraduate exorcists, Melanie Massih, 16, her sister Christina, 15, also students at Rev Larson’s exorcist school.

They may love hanging out like normal teenagers, but they don’t watch TV like the rest of us.

‘I think Harry Potter and Twilight are instigators of evil,’ Savannah says. ‘They nullify morality and just serve to hook people in with evil.

‘I don’t watch any television at all. I’m much too busy praying and fighting the devil.’

And so on a hot Sunday afternoon, inside a modest three-star hotel in the middle of arid Scottsdale, Arizona, the blinds are mysteriously drawn around a small conference hall, and Rev Larson begins today’s class.

Our trainee exorcists may look to casual observers more like X Factor contestants than exorcists, but this is a serious matter.

The topic is exorcism - the use of prayer to remove the devil or demonic spirits – which has its roots in early Christianity, and is described by the church as ‘the act of driving out, or warding off, demons who infest a person or place’.

Rev Larson is quick to remind his pupils of the tell-tale signs of demonic possession.

‘Speaking a language that the person has never learned,’ he preaches, ‘having a supernatural strength, having a violent aversion to God, the cross and a hatred of holy water.’

While exorcisms have been taught and carried out since the start of the Catholic Church, there has never been a greater demand than today, and for the teenage trainees of the Exorcist school, today’s class is a matter of life and death.

This afternoon, a handwritten sign outside the conference hall reads: ‘Pre-Deliverance Class 4:00pm. Personal ministry by appointment.’

The Pre-deliverance classes are a beginner’s lesson, promising everything you need to know about demons and exorcism.

More at the link, including glamor shots of the more toothsome exorcists. And do my eyes deceive me, or has the Mail used Photoshop to shorten the dress on li'l Savannah in some pics?

John Carter Movie Trailer

2011-07-15T09:28:00.006-05:00

I am a huge fan of Edgar Rice Burroughs' Barsoom series, so I was dreading the upcoming feature film. However, the first trailer is out and it looks surprisingly faithful to the source material:

I am actually enthused about seeing the movie now. The trailer indicates that the opening in the wild west and the prologue/epilogue with ERB and John Carter's tomb have been kept. Those are elements I would have expected to see jettisoned in any Hollywood adaptation of the property, and the fact that they weren't suggests that the filmmakers' have some love for the original books.

Now, faithfulness to the source is never an indication if a movie is any good or not. But it looks like I'll be able to judge the film on its own merits and not just sit there and nerdrage about jive-talkin' Tharks or something.

Highlander vs. Responsible Parenting

2011-07-14T13:17:00.002-05:00

From WCCO (Minneapolis, MN):

Man Charged In Drunken Sword Fight That Injured Child

July 13, 2011 7:47 PM

BELTRAMI COUNTY, Minn. - A 28-year-old Bemidji man has been charged after police say he started a sword fight while drinking with another man.

Lucas Wayne French faces two felony counts of malicious punishment of a child and fourth-degree assault of a police officer. He has also been charged with two misdemeanor counts of dangerous weapons and reckless handling.

On early Tuesday morning, the Beltrami County Sheriff's Office received a call of a person being assaulted with a sword in his rural Beltrami County home.

According to the criminal complaint, when deputies arrived, they found an intoxicated person, now identified as French, trying to leave the home on a bicycle. They stopped French and learned he had been drinking with the homeowner when he suddenly attacked the man with a sword.

In order to defend himself, the homeowner grabbed another sword and the two engaged in a sword fight.

During the fight, a 10-year-old boy was injured when his elbow was struck by French's sword. The boy was treated and released for his injuries.

French's bail is set at $50,000 with conditions. He remains in the Beltrami County Jail.

Werewolves Need Loving, Too

2011-07-11T17:19:00.003-05:00

From some UK paper I've never heard of:

Werewolf hunt on Cannock Chase interrupted by dogging couples and angry youths

Jun 24 2011

Paranormal investigators who descended on Cannock Chase for a documentary on the fabled werewolf that’s said to prowl the area had to flee after stumbling across stunned ‘dogging’ couples.

And if that wasn’t enough, the crew were surrounded by angry youths - who believed they were swingers themselves - when they got to their car.

It was more X rated than X Files when filmaker Damon Simms and his team came across couples seeking cheap thrills in the undergrowth at the German War Cemetery.

The group were certainly confronted by the naked truth while hunting for clues during a late-night foray.

Cannock Chase has long been a hotspot for sightings of strange phenomena, with reports of a strange wolf-like beast and big cats among the 26 mile woodland. But the mythical beasts aren’t the only secretive nocturnal inhabitants. It’s a favoured haunt for doggers and swinging couples from all over the country.

“We went up the Chase with a team of researchers to try to get some evidence about these sightings,” Damon, 37, said.

“But, unfortunately, we also had a bit of a problem with doggers while we were there. They were all in the bushes and it was obvious what they were doing. We moved on to other areas. It was wise to give them a wide berth. Unfortunately, we were then completely surrounded by gangs of youths in about six cars. They were hurling abuse at us and it got a bit nasty.

“I think they thought we were a gang of doggers ourselves and started to shout abuse at us. Unfortunately, we had to move on again,.”

Damon has been researching paranormal sightings over the Chase for a number of months. He is particularly interested in a glut of alleged werewolf sightings.

He was interviewed last week by satellite paranormal show Mindscape TV about the phenomena. He is currently awaiting permission form Cannock Chase Council to investigate closed-off areas of the Chase.

“We are looking at getting permission to investigate certain areas of the Chase. There are certain areas that might pose a health and safety risk, so we need to liaise with the council before we go there,” he said.There has been a lot of interest in the film and a number of cable TV stations have shown interest in it and can’t wait for us to completed the project.”

A quick Googling will explain what "dogging" is (and probably install a virus on your computer).

If the conflux of canine concerns sounds too good to be true, it probably is. A similar incident was portrayed on the British TV series, Being Human, earlier this year - the werewolf protagonist was arrested while traipsing through a popular dogging site. This may be a"life imitating art" Fortean synchronicity, but it can also be a case of an enterprising fellow publicizing his documentary in a unique way. Given that there's only one source for the info and no police quote, well...

Cannock Chase has a bit of a rep when it comes to the paranormal. The blog of Fortean Times contributor Nick Redfern has plenty of info on the topic, including a nice summation of a wave of werewolf sightings in 2008.

This picture is far creepier than anything you could encounter on the moors.

Beware the Triffids!

2011-07-06T12:20:00.006-05:00

Triffids are real and invading NYC! From the New York Observer:

Skin Sizzling Weed Creeps Closer to New York City

By Olivia Fialkow 11:01am
7/5/2011

Something monstrous has set down roots in the Empire State. Threatening to blind, burn and blister unwitting victims from Lake Erie down to Long Island, it is creeping ever closer to New York City.

Giant hogweed (Heracleum mantegazzianum) has arrived in the state for the fourth summer in a row. The plant, which has been federally deemed a “noxious weed,” can to be up to twelve feet tall, with enormous leaves and umbrella-sized flowers. The plant’s corrosive sap, in combination with moisture (think: a hot summer day’s sweat) and sunlight, has the ability to burn skin with even the slightest touch, and has been noted to cause scarring, severe skin damage, and even blindness.

The weed is native to the Caucasus Mountain region between the Black and Caspian Seas (near Turkey) was first introduced as to North America during the early twentieth century as an ornamental garden plant.

A recent New York State Department of Environmental Conservation map shows that major populations of the flesh-eating plant are concentrated in the North Eastern regions of the state, but that crops of the weed are moving southward and have been found as close by as Nassau County.

The DEC has posted a fairly explicit warning on their website, stating that “If you think you have giant hogweed on your property, do NOT touch it.” The Department recommends that all plant discoveries should be reported to them directly, and has set-up a (wait for it…) Giant Hogweed Hotline (1-800-554-4501 Ext. 58760).

When The Observer called the hotline during normal business hours (8:30am-4:45pm) to see what exactly a report entailed, we reached an automated voice message that suggested that they “may be experiencing a large number of calls” and were “unable to receive the call at this time.”

Perhaps the DEC was swamped with calls reporting populations of the massive toxic plant, which may or may not be coming to a backyard near you.

It's freaking Triffids, people! Okay, so no one has reported seeing them walk yet. But no one has reported not seeing them not walk yet, either! Or something. Look, they are obviously just cooling their fibrous heels until a convenient meteor shower blinds us all.

Hit the DEC webpage on this menace and keep an eye out for this foreboding flora in your own backyard!

Oh, yes it is!

Random Image: Among Giants

2011-07-01T13:40:00.003-05:00

Bozo and Svengoolie
at the Museum of Broadcast Communications.

Via the Svengoolie Newsletter.

Like MacArthur, I Have Returned

2011-06-27T23:22:00.002-05:00

Except I don't have a bitchin' corncob pipe.

I cannot go into detail regarding the reason for my absence. I can, however, deny the rumors that I am actually a Syrian lesbian college student only pretending to be a white middle-aged male blogger.

You Light Up My Life - From the Inside

2011-06-13T09:18:00.001-05:00

Suddenly, Cyclops is no longer the least plausible X-Man. From BBC News:

Laser is produced by a living cell
By Jason Palmer
12 June 2011 Last updated at 20:42 ET

A single living cell has been coaxed into producing laser light, researchers report in Nature Photonics.

The technique starts by engineering a cell that can produce a light-emitting protein that was first obtained from glowing jellyfish.

Flooding the resulting cells with weak blue light causes them to emit directed, green laser light.

The work may have applications in improved microscope imaging and light-based therapies.

Laser light differs from normal light in that it is of a narrow band of colours, with the light waves all oscillating together in synchrony.

Most modern forms use carefully engineered solid materials to produce lasers in everything from supermarket scanners to DVD players to industrial robots.

The new work, by Malte Gather and Seok Hyun Yun at the Wellman Center for Photomedicine at Massachusetts General Hospital in the US, marks the first time the phenomenon has been seen in a living system.

The pair used green fluorescent protein (GFP) as the laser's "gain medium", where light amplification takes place.

GFP is a well-studied molecule, first isolated from jellyfish, that has revolutionised biology by acting as a custom-made "torch" that can light up living systems on command.

In the new work, cells derived from human kidney cells were genetically engineered to produce GFP.

The cells were then placed one at a time between two tiny mirrors, just 20 millionths of a metre across, which acted as the "laser cavity" in which light could bounce many times through the cell.

Upon bathing the cell with blue light, it could be seen to emit directed and intense green laser light.

The cells remained alive throughout and after the process. The authors note in an accompanying interview in the journal that the living system is a "self-healing" laser; if the light-emitting proteins are destroyed in the process, the cell will simply produce more.

"In cellular sensing, we may be able to detect intracellular processes with unprecedented sensitivity," they said.

"For light-based therapeutics, diagnosis and imaging, people think about how to deliver emission from an external laser source deep into tissue. Now we can approach this problem in another way: by amplifying light in the tissue (itself)."

Lab rats with laser eyes are not too far off, so start upgrading your lair's defenses now.

Carry-On Thuggage

2011-06-12T21:41:00.003-05:00

Yet another real-life supervillian with underwhelming powers! Originally heard on Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me, print story from Time:

Spain: Contortionist Thief Hid in Suitcase

By AP/DANIEL WOOLLS
Thursday, June 09, 2011

(MADRID) — A man was arrested in Spain after curling himself up inside a large suitcase that was placed in an airport bus cargo bay and sneaking out to steal from other people's luggage, police said Thursday.

The man arrested last week was 5'10" (1.78 meters) tall and very thin, a police official in the northeastern Catalonia region said. An accomplice was also arrested.

The suspects were successful on several occasions before being caught, the police official said on condition of anonymity because of department rules. The accomplice would place the contortionist thief inside the cargo bay of a bus running from the airport in the city of Girona south to Barcelona, board the bus and then retrieve him at the end of the line.

During the 60-mile (100-kilometer) ride, the man would slip out of the suitcase and use a sharp object to pick locks or open zippers to get into other people's luggage.

Police were alerted by bus riders who reported items stolen from their baggage.

Such a lot of trouble for petty larceny. That Gingold addiction must be a bitch.

"Casual Fridays" My Iron Ass!

2011-06-12T14:58:00.003-05:00

All over the place, but MicGadget has all sorts of cool pics:

ZTE Employee Builds Ultra-realistic Homemade Iron Man Suit
By Chris Chang
Posted Jun 10, 2011 at 8:39 AM

We can’t believe this. A super smart Chinese man from Chinese telecommunications equipment maker ZTE spent 3,000 yuan (about $460) and 3 months time to built an ultra-realistic Iron Man suit. Wearing the super cool armor, Wang stuns his office colleagues in the ZTE campus in Shanghai. Video after the jump, and his unbelievable diary of making the suit.

The 25-year-old creator, Wang XiaoKang, became a big fan of Iron Man since the release of Iron Man movie in 2008, and he was inspired to build the awesome gadgets — the Iron Man helmet, arc reactor and repulsor arm. He started from searching information from Google (not Baidu), and he found a forum which talks about props. Then, he went searching for behind-the-scenes of the Iron Man movie, and watched the Blu-ray version everyday. And finally, he came out with this.

Wang has no experience on DIY at all, and he only has basic tools at home, such as pliers, tapes, scissors, and two tin boxes from IKEA. And Wang somehow worked it out with those basic tools, of course, he purchased other materials and LED bulbs to complete the project. And in 2010, Wang improved the mask, and built a repulsor arm. He wanted to be Iron Man.

Wang drew sketches, and spent most of his time in his workshop.

---

Previously, we have seen a Chinese netizen making an arc reactor knockoff, but there’s no suit at all. So, this Mark I suit weighs 110 pounds and cost 3,000 yuan ($460) to make. All the LEDs and the motors that drive the arc reactor and the fan have their own batteries hidden within the suit’s large frame. Well, Wang’s take on the movie’s Iron Man Mark I suit could easily frighten a supervillain. And this is not the end. Wang is now planning to get back to his Mark III project!

Clearly, this guy needs to team up with Troy Hurtubise - and fight crime!

A Wake-Up Call for Leicester

2011-06-11T21:32:00.001-05:00

Because if you're ready for zombies, you're ready for anything! From Ye Olde BBC:

Leicester City Council 'not ready' for zombie attack
10 June 2011 Last updated at 03:51 ET

A worried member of the public has forced Leicester City Council to admit it is unprepared for a zombie invasion.

The authority received a Freedom of Information request which said provisions to deal with an attack, often seen in horror films, were poor.

The "concerned citizen" said the possibility of such an event was one that councils should be aware of.

"We've had a few wacky ones before but this one did make us laugh," said Lynn Wyeth, head of information governance.

The Freedom of Information Act allows a right of access to recorded information held by public authorities.

Ms Wyeth said she was unaware of any specific reference to a zombie attack in the council's emergency plan, however some elements of it could be applied if the situation arose.

Other submissions to the council have included requests for records of paranormal activity and haunted buildings within the city.

"To you it might seem frivolous and a waste of time... but to different people it actually means something," said Ms Wyeth.

"Everybody has their own interests and their own reasons for asking these questions."

She added high-profile cases, such as the MPs expenses scandal, has raised public awareness of the right to request information records.

Ed Thurlow, who runs zombie website Terror4Fun, said he felt a zombie invasion in Leicester was highly unlikely.

"I think perhaps [the "Concerned Citizen"] has watched films like 28 Days Later a few too many times."

Oh, sure. It's all a big joke. Until the ravenous hordes of the undead are chewing on your femur.

Look, if the US Government can admit this is a real threat, so can Leicester!

Zombie Justice Part Deux

2011-06-09T23:00:00.000-05:00

If they were after brains, they sure were in the wrong place. From the Wisconsin Rapids-Tribune:

12 'zombies' arrested in protest at Wisconsin legislator's office
12:09 AM, Jun. 9, 2011

MADISON — Police arrested a dozen silent protesters who were wearing zombie makeup and refused to leave a state lawmaker's office.

The sit-in demonstration happened Wednesday afternoon in the Capitol offices of Rep. Robin Vos, the Republican co-chair of the Legislature's budget-writing committee.

Vos' communications director, Kit Beyer, said police carried out the demonstrators "one by one" after the group had spent about half an hour in the offices. Beyer says Vos was not in the office at the time of the protest.

Capitol Police say 10 were cited for disorderly conduct, one was booked and released, and one was required to post $263.50 because he was from out of state.

$263! I had no idea zombies carried that much loot on them! Stupid me, I never went through the pockets after shooting 'em in the head!

Highlander vs. the Canucks

2011-06-01T12:34:00.003-05:00

Remember that "immortal" doesn't mean "taser-proof". Via CBC News:

Sword-wielding man subdued by Vancouver police
May 30, 2011 2:39 PM PT

Police used rubber bullets and a Taser to try to take down a sword-wielding man in downtown Vancouver near the busy intersection of Burrard Street and Georgia Street on Monday.

The man was hit by several of the bullets fired by Vancouver police officers as they tried to subdue him after he had been waving the sword on a downtown street and while on the city's public transit system, said police spokesman Const. Lindsey Houghton.

The rubber bullets — fired from an Arwen gun usually deployed in riot control — and a shot from a Taser stun-gun failed to take the man down, and he was then tackled to the ground by several officers, Houghton said.

The man was taken into custody and appeared to have suffered no serious injuries.

Houghton said SkyTrain passengers reported the man to police at about 1:30 p.m. PT when he started repeatedly unsheathing the sword while on a train at the Metrotown station.

Police confronted the man outside the Burrard SkyTrain station at about 2 p.m. PT.

The man is facing possible weapons-related charges and officers will be requesting the courts consider a psychological examination, Houghton said.

Video at the link!

Things I Found Looking For Something Else #10

2011-05-25T14:13:00.000-05:00

I wanna give this genius an art grant.

Highlander vs. Pizza Hut

2011-05-22T16:53:00.000-05:00

From WHAS11, Louisville:

Police: Woman pulls sword out at Pizza Hut
Posted on May 20, 2011 at 4:52 PM

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (WHAS11) -- Police say a Louisville woman caused a scene at a local Pizza Hut and at one point tried to pull out a sword.

Wynika Mason is charged with disorderly conduct.

Pizza Hut employees called police saying they felt threatened by the way Mason was acting.

Before officers arrived, an employee claims Mason had a sword and was trying to pull it out of the sheath but her brother took it away and put it in the car.

Officers recovered the sword from the vehicle.

There's a "meat lover's" joke in there somewhere, but I can't be bothered.

Holy Suicide

2011-05-20T10:01:00.002-05:00

Form the Guardian:

South Korean man's crucifixion death was probably suicide, police say

Officers believe taxi driver whose hands and feet were nailed to a cross inflicted ordeal on himself as a suicide

Wednesday 18 May 2011 12.40 BST

A South Korean taxi driver found dead with his body nailed to a cross in an apparent re-creation of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ probably inflicted the ordeal on himself as a suicide, police have said.

The 58-year-old man was wearing only underwear and a crown of thorns, with his hands and feet nailed to the cross, a stab wound on his abdomen and nylon strings tied around his neck when he was found on 1 May – one week after Easter – in an abandoned stone quarry in the country's south.

After days of investigation, police said they believe the man, surnamed Kim, took his own life without assistance.

Kim is believed to have nailed his feet to the cross, tied his neck to it and stabbed himself in the side.

He is then believed to have drilled holes in his hands and slipped them over nails on the cross, Gyeongbuk provincial police agency officers said, describing the death under condition of anonymity because they were not authorised to speak to the press.

Officials re-enacted some elements of the crucifixion and concluded that an adult male could perform the act on his own, police said.

The man was a devout Christian, and police speculated that his "deep religious faith" may have helped him endure "immense pain".

Police said they found the man's notes planning the crucifixion. Before his death, Kim closed his bank account and cancelled his mobile phone contract in apparent preparation to end his life, police said.

A postmortem examination showed he died of blood loss from the stab wound and suffocation, police said.

Officers said they had no information on when exactly he put himself on the cross or how long he might have been there before dying.

Popular representations of the death of Jesus depict him crucified between the crosses of two thieves, wearing a crown of thorns and a white cloth over his loins, with a wound on his side from a Roman soldier's spear.

It is not uncommon for Filipino passion plays to feature real crucifixions, but this is the first I've heard of it used as a method of suicide. It is likely that death was not the man's goal, but simply that an attempted act of devotion just broke bad on him. On the other hand, I'm getting a real Unknown Armies vibe here.

Gov't Comes Clean on Zombie Menace

2011-05-17T16:33:00.001-05:00

As is being widely reported, the Center for Disease control has finally acknowledged the Undead Problem and posted some basic survival guidelines to their Public Health Matters blog. This is a refreshing change of pace from the denial and stonewalling we usually see from the government on matters teratological.

Oh, sure, they claim it's just a fun way to get people thinking about disaster preparedness, but that's just to appease certain factions in Congress (Michelle Bachmann is a lich). I think the logo below says it all:

Words to live by!

Batman Busted

2011-05-13T17:38:00.000-05:00

I'm not gonna do a "Holy!" joke. I'm just not.

From Reuters:

Police nab armed "Batman" in small Michigan town
Wed May 11, 2011 8:25pm EDT

DETROIT (Reuters) - A man dressed as Batman was arrested on Wednesday after police in a small Michigan town found him hanging off the side of a building and carrying concealed weapons including a baton and a can of chemical irritant spray.

Police in Petoskey, in northwest Michigan, received a call reporting that a man dressed as Batman, a comic book hero and the subject of a number of blockbuster movies, was on the roof of a building in the center of the town of about 6,000 people.

Officers found Mark Wayne Williams, 31, hanging off the western wall of the building. They pulled him back onto the roof and found he was carrying the baton, spray and a pair of lead-lined gloves.

Williams was charged with several counts of carrying concealed weapons, one count of carrying a gas-ejecting weapon and another count of creating a disturbance, said John Calabrese, public safety chief in Petoskey.

"He really didn't offer us any explanation," Calabrese said when asked why Williams was in costume. "Our officers did not interrogate him at any length."

Calabrese said it was not the first time Williams has appeared in public in costume. A few years ago, he caught the attention of police by dressing as the Crow, a figure from a graphic novel.

For some reason, that last sentence cracks me up.

When Ninjas Attack!

2011-04-27T13:42:00.005-05:00

It's Ninja Season!

From the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:

Armed man fends off sword-wielding 'ninja' in South Union
By Margaret Harding
Monday, April 25, 2011

A Fayette County man attacked by a "ninja" with a sword quickly ended the encounter by pulling a gun.

"The only word that comes to mind is, 'seriously?'" Santino Guzzo, 29, of South Union said today. "I know this isn't a laughing matter, but how many people get attacked by a ninja? Really, a ninja?"

State police are searching for the man, who Guzzo described as wearing a "ninja outfit literally from head to toe." Police said he broke into 11 cars on Braddock Avenue and tried to stab Guzzo with his sword nearby.

Guzzo said he pulled his gun and the man broke the rear window of Guzzo's car as he ran off. Guzzo said he chased the man, who did not move with the grace typically associated with a ninja.

"He was like a gazelle that just got attacked by a lion," Guzzo said. "He got up and fell, and got up and fell. Then he jumped off a cliff."

Guzzo lost track of him after he jumped. Anyone with information was asked to call Trooper Robert Reitler at 724-439-7111.

Guzzo said he will not live in fear of the ninja`s return.

"I'm a firm believer in my Second Amendment rights," he said.

From WPXI Pittsburgh (obviously home to a secret ninja academy):

Dad Denies Playing Ninja When Son, 4, Alone
2:50 pm EDT March 16, 2011
Updated: 11:21 am EDT March 17, 2011

SCOTTDALE, Pa. -- A Westmoreland County man denied he was outside running around pretending to be a ninja, but acknowledges he did leave his 4-year-old son home alone sleeping while he went jogging earlier this month.

Ross Hurst, 28, remains in the Westmoreland County Prison after his preliminary hearing on a child endangerment charge was postponed Wednesday.

Outside the courtroom, Hurst told Channel 11 News that he wasn't pretending to be a ninja when Scottdale police charged him March 3 at about 1:30 a.m.

But police insist Hurst was dressed all in black and "playing ninja" when they confronted him. They said Hurst claimed his mother was babysitting, but she told police she wasn't.

"Oh, it was a big misunderstanding. I wasn't playing ninja," said Hurst. "I wasn't playing anything. I went out for a jog. I told the cops that, but they didn't believe me. It was a mistake. I'm not disputing that."

Hurst also faces terroristic threat charges for an incident prior to the March 3 incident. Police said he threatened to kill his former friend's pregnant wife.

"She was 8 1/2 months pregnant at the time, and he told her he was going to cut her throat and kill everyone in the family. It was just too much and after I heard about that thing about wandering the streets dressed up like a ninja, it's something you really have to take seriously," said Justin Jellots, who called police.

"I had been drinking and I was angry. I don't remember what I said, but apparently I called him and I'm going to get through all this and be a better person," Hurst said.

Hurst's wife said they've been separated for "a while." She is caring for their son.

Hurst is scheduled to appear in court on March 30 for a hearing on both cases.

From the BBC (video at the site):

'Ninja' protecting Kent spa town of Tunbridge Wells
26 April 2011 Last updated at 11:13 ET

A masked vigilante has taken to the streets of Royal Tunbridge Wells to protect "ordinary citizens".

The "Neighbourhood Ninja" claims to be a 25-year-old who has tackled garage break-ins and conducted night patrols.

The vigilante, who has so far remained anonymous, is posting his exploits in the Kent spa town on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube.

He also says he has reunited missing cats with their owners and warned drivers when they risk parking fines.

Places under official "Ninja Watch" are said to include Homebase, the Bedford Pub, and the Royal Victoria Place shopping centre.

And the Neighbourhood Ninja even claims to be keeping an eye on this week's royal wedding.

In one tweet, he wrote: "Don't worry Chief Inspector of Kent Police, you have nothing to fear from me, I am on your side. I'll leave my nunchuks at home."

He has also said he is "bringing the community together" and could even be looking to recruit more ninjas.

A Kent Police spokeswoman said the force was not aware of the Neighbourhood Ninja and warned residents they should not take the law into their own hands.

At least someone's using their l33t martial arts skills for the common good!

R.I.P. Elisabeth Sladen

2011-04-19T15:51:00.004-05:00

Elisabeth Sladen
1948-2011

Well, goddamn. The BBC is reporting that dear Liz Sladen, better known to two generations as Sarah Jane Smith, has passed away. She had been battling cancer for some time but apparently kept this private. Sarah Jane was my first companion and she will always have a place in my heart.

Wednesdays of the Living Dead: They Shall Pay

2011-03-22T14:53:00.003-05:00

Radiation Schmadiation

2011-03-22T12:00:00.004-05:00

I've been excited about an upcoming trip to Tokyo for a couple of months, so the earthquakes and tsunamis and meltdowns should come as no surprise to anyone who knows anything about me and my relationship with the universe. We're still planning on going, of course. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Tokyo wasn't badly hit by the natural disasters, and I'm sure they can use the tourist dollars.

Still, the combination of massive radiation leaks and thousands of unrecovered bodies can only mean one thing to a paranoid geek: Zombie Apocalypse. I was prepared to deal with yakuza and do battle with ninja (preferably on the roof of a speeding bullet train), but radioactive undead is pretty much a deal-killer for me.

Fortunately, this chart from the ever-lovely XKCD shows that the fear over the Fukushima leaks may be slightly overblown. As the chart shows, levels at the nuclear plants in question are nowhere near that at Chernobyl. A person spending two days at Fukushima takes less rads than she receives over the course of a year under ordinary conditions. Now, picking up a dose of radiation in one go is a much different (mutated) animal than absorbing it over time, and no meltdown is ever good, but I don't think we need worry about Japan being overrun by ravening undead just yet.

Wednesdays of the Living Dead: PLAGUE

2011-03-16T08:44:00.000-05:00

Costumed Propaganda, Wave 3

2011-03-14T12:41:00.007-05:00

March Modok Madness! submission by the ever-awesome Paul Sizer.

Beautiful work by Tim Fisher

by Laura Pittman

by Francesco Francavilla
(likely inspired by the BBC's piece for Doctor Who's fifth season.

Unknown photoshopper from the intrawebs

by Steve Squall

Wednesdays of the Living Dead: Salty Dogs

2011-03-09T07:55:00.001-06:00

Shanghai Blues

2011-03-08T12:56:00.001-06:00

I've only seen Shanghai Blues once, but it made a great impression. It was back when I was just discovering HK cinema, making regular trips into Chinatown to rent VHS tapes from an herbalist's shop. I had also stumbled across the Film Center of the Art Institute of Chicago's annual Hong Kong festival just in time for their Jackie Chan season. I can't describe how incredible it was to experience all this eye-popping, mind-blending cinema for the first time on the big screen - and then have the man himself turn up to shake hands and answer questions from the audience. Freaking bliss.

My memory is hazy, but I believe the following year was the Film Center's Tsui Hark season. I was eagerly devouring each offering and got turned on to such classics as Zu and Swordsman II. But it was a romantic comedy called Shanghai Blues that really showed me there was more to Hong Kong cinema than just crazy stunts and hopping vampires. Twenty years and countless films later, I don't recall much about the movie other than I really enjoyed it.

I never got a chance to revisit Shanghai Blues, as it has never received an English-friendly DVD release. But thanks to a heads-up on the Mobius Home Video forum and the generosity of some nameless web denizen, I finally have the opportunity to watch a decent copy of this film. It's an mp4 rip of the old laser disc and it is available via the link below:

Shanghai Blues Laser Disc Rip

Hark's other works get a lot of love in HK fandom, especially Peking Opera Blues, but I almost never see Shanghai Blues get a shout-out. I think that's down to the film's scarcity than it's actual merits, and this is borne out by recent discussion thread on the Mobius forum sparked by the movie's "web release". It's great to see that others enjoyed this film as much as I did and I can't wait to watch it again after all these years.

If you are a fan of Tsui Hark or 80's HK cinema, don't miss this chance. Grab your copy while you can.

Mental Organism Design Only for KUDDLING!

2011-03-07T12:35:00.004-06:00

Ah, springtime! When a young man's fancy turns to rabbits and supervillains with giant heads.

It's March Modok Madness time again! I have always been a huge "fan" of Modok - I even dressed as him for Halloween a couple years back - and I love seeing the tributes, variants, and just plain goofy fun that Brendan Tobin's blog turns out every year at this time. Above is my favorite illo so far (although g.Webber's entry is a close second) and I'm looking forward to checking out the rest of the month's offering.

Beware the Time Capsules!

2011-03-02T12:03:00.007-06:00

From the BBC:

NZ quake unearths 'time capsules'

1 March 2011 Last updated at 05:20 ET

Two objects believed to be time capsules have been discovered in the aftermath of last week's ruinous earthquake in New Zealand.

A glass bottle with a parchment inside and a metal cylinder were found by rescuers searching the grounds of the cathedral in the city of Christchurch.

They were in the base of a statue of John Robert Godley, the Irishman credited with founding Christchurch.

Mayor Bob Parker called the timing of the find "inspirational".

The items were uncovered almost exactly a week after the 6.3-magnitude quake struck.

The bodies of 154 people have been recovered, but it is feared that the death toll could eventually reach 240.

The bronze statue had toppled off its stone plinth outside the cathedral, and a crane operator's discovery of the two objects inside the plinth caused immediate excitement, said reports.

Two words were visible on the rolled-up parchment inside the glass bottle - "by" and "erected" - but it will only be opened and examined in detail by experts in a humidity-controlled environment.

The contents of the metal cylinder remain a complete mystery.

The items have been handed over to Canterbury Museum.

Godley led the colonial settlement that founded Christchurch in 1850.

There were several times when the objects could have been placed inside the plinth - when Godley's statue was erected in 1867, moved in 1918, or returned to its original site in 1933, reported The Press.

Mayor Parker suggested the capsules could contain documents which gave an insight into the "vision" of the settlers.

"It seems almost providential that they have come to light now to provide the inspiration we need in this most difficult time," he was quoted as saying.

Canterbury Museum director Anthony Wright said it was "poignant" that the items had been found exactly a week after the quake.

There are also reports that a third mysterious item has been found in the ruins of the cathedral - this time in the cross of the spire, which was toppled by the quake - but these remain unconfirmed.

Time capsules, nothing. Obviously, these objects were buried on holy ground to keep their evil contents safe. Looks like the djinn has already escaped from the glass bottle, so let's hope the parchment inside contains the instructions on how to deal with him. Lord only knows what's in the metal canister.

And the last paragraph of the news story is too beautifully weird to be true. It's the perfect beginning to a good horror yarn. Let's just hope we're not in it.

Wednesdays of the Living Dead: DRAG

2011-03-02T08:39:00.001-06:00

This Will End Well

2011-02-27T11:58:00.001-06:00

Forget the zombie apocalypse. The real danger is the coming robot rebellion. Wired's Danger Room is reporting that DARPA, the agency that commissions advanced tech research for the Defense Department, has awarded a contract to develop a robot cheetah. From the article:

As the name implies, Cheetah is designed to be a four-legged robot with a flexible spine and articulated head (and potentially a tail) that runs faster than the fastest human. In addition to raw speed, Cheetah’s makers promise that it will have the agility to make tight turns so that it can “zigzag to chase and evade” and be able to stop on a dime.
-----
Aside from its unspecified military applications, Cheetah’s makers see it galloping to the rescue and building a brave new future in the fields of “emergency response, firefighting, advanced agriculture and vehicular travel.”

It's the "unspecified military applications" that sends shivers down my spine.

Boston Dynamics' Cheetah will be an advanced version of their BigDog, a robot pack mule designed to carry heavy loads over battlefield terrain. You've probably seen unsettling YouTube videos like the one below.

Now put fangs and claws on that, crank it's speed up to 11, and pray that whomever they outsource the programming to remembers to put you in the "friend" column.

And if that weren't bad enough, the same folks are working on a headless Terminator:

Its designers say it’ll be able to walk like a human over rough terrain, crawling on its hands and knees when necessary and turning itself sideways to slip through any narrow passages it encounters.

That's right, it crawls. Which means that someday you will see it scuttling towards the foot of your bed like Sadako from Ringu. It will have murder in its cold steel heart but not in its eyes, because it doesn't have a freaking head.

So yeah, it's time to revise your zombie survival plans to account for these metal marauders. And it's going to take more effort than simply crossing out "zombie" and writing in "robot", so get started now.

R.I.P. Nicholas Courtney

2011-02-23T13:43:00.005-06:00

Brigadier Sir Alistair Gordon
Lethbridge-Stewart
1929-2011

This one is pretty hard for me to talk about, so I'll leave it to the many other memorials and reminiscences pouring on to the 'net. Suffice to say that one of my childhood heroes is gone.

It's Alive! Oops, Maybe Not...

2011-01-28T12:23:00.002-06:00

Reported on several sites, but the original source seems to be the website of RT TV, a Russian media outlet:

Mummy fried - woman sets fire to house while trying to reanimate long-dead sister

26 January, 2011, 15:19

A night fire in an apartment block has been caused by a woman who tried to reanimate her long-dead elder sister with electricity.

The horrific story happened in Ekaterinburg, the biggest city in the Urals.

The suspect, 69, apparently was not completely of sound mind, judging by her mental health record.

A year ago, her 73-year-old sister died from natural causes, prosecutors told Noviy Region news agency. However, instead of reporting the death, the woman preserved the body with gasoline and had been trying to reanimate it ever since.

Her last macabre experiment on Tuesday night involved “jump starting” the mummified corpse with two wires connecting the body’s hand and neck to the mains.

Despite what Frankenstein movies suggest, the electric current did not revive the body, instead setting it on fire.

The surviving sister is now in hospital suffering from burns and smoke inhalation.

The story namechecks Frankenstein, but the incident seems more like Weird Science to me.

Highlander vs. Fire!

2011-01-20T14:29:00.002-06:00

I am vastly disappointed that the Fire Chief's rank is not "captain". From the January 18th edition of the South Bend Tribune (Indiana):

LaPorte County house fire turns into sword fight

Cops use Taser after man refuses to let go of sword as home burns.
By STAN MADDUX
January 18. 2011 6:59AM

Two LaPorte County sheriff's deputies responding to a report of a house fire wound up in a fierce struggle with a man who refused to leave the smoke-filled dwelling over a sword.

The man didn't let go of the sword until he was struck with Taser darts, police said.

Police revealed Monday that warrants seeking charges of criminal recklessness and resisting law enforcement, both Class D felonies, are being pursued against 50-year-old Peter Thompson, who was taken to LaPorte Hospital for treatment of injuries sustained when two probes carrying 50,000 volts fired from the Taser stuck into his back.

According to LaPorte County police, emergency responders were called about 6 p.m. Friday to the house on North 125 West near Springville. Smoke was filtering out the front door when Deputies Al Ott and Donald Hicks went inside and urged Thompson to leave.

Police said Thompson was sitting on a couch with a blanket draped over his right hand. He refused commands to show his hands, so one of the deputies removed the blanket, and in his right hand was the handle of a sword. It was being held in such a way that the blade was behind the man's back, said police.

Hicks grabbed the handle of the sword while the other officers grabbed both the man's hand and the blade, which was covered by a scabbard.

Hicks in his report said Thompson refused to obey commands to let go of the sword as he and the other deputy tried desperately to maintain control of the weapon.

At one point, Hicks let go of Thompson's hand and reached for his Taser.

Thompson pulled the sword out of its sheath and pointed the 2-foot-long silver blade at Ott.

Hicks immediately fired his Taser, allowing Ott to remove the sword from Thompson's clutches, police said.

Springfield Township Fire Chief Steve Marvel said Monday there was just minimal fire damage to the residence.

He said Thompson lit some articles in the home on fire and the blaze burned itself out as firefighters were arriving.

“It was more of a police matter than a fire matter,” Marvel said.

The Next Step is a Black Magic Union

2011-01-03T20:46:00.000-06:00

From the Minneapolis Star-Tribune:

Romania declares witchcraft legal profession, witch threatens a spell

Associated Press
Last update: January 1, 2011 - 1:17 PM

BUCHAREST, Romania - Romania has changed its labor laws to officially recognize witchcraft as a profession, prompting one self-described witch to threaten retaliation.

The move, which went into effect Saturday, is part of the government's drive to crack down on widespread tax evasion in a country that is in recession.

In addition to witches, astrologists, embalmers, valets and driving instructors are now considered by labor law to be working real jobs, making it harder for them to avoid income tax.

For months the measure had been debated, protested by witches and mocked by the media.

On Saturday, a witch called Bratara told Realitate.net, the website of a top TV station, that she plans to cast a spell using black pepper and yeast to create discord in the government.

Black pepper and yeast. Yeah, that'll fix 'em. One of my cousins was killed by black pepper and yeast back in the 70's. We never did get the stains out of the shag carpeting.

Highlander vs. the New Year!

2011-01-03T12:18:00.002-06:00

From the BBC:

Man charged by police after Knaresborough sword attack

2 January 2011 Last updated at 10:42 ET

A man has been charged with wounding with intent after two men were injured in an attack involving a Samurai-type sword in Knaresborough.

North Yorkshire Police said the men were assaulted at a house on Inman Walk at about 0030 GMT on New Year's Day.

A 31-year-old man has been charged with two counts of wounding with intent to commit grievous bodily harm.

A force spokesman said he was due to appear at Harrogate Magistrates' Court on Monday.

The men, aged 31 and 21, are being treated in hospital.

North Yorkshire Police said they were both in a "stable" condition after undergoing surgery.

Close, But No (Lethal Exploding) Cigar

2010-11-03T21:18:00.002-05:00

From yesterday's USA Today (USA Yesterday?):

Pa. woman guilty in fatal 'pizza bomber' bank robbery

Nov 01, 2010

A federal jury has convicted a 61-year-old Erie, Pa., woman for a 2003 bank robbery in which she outfitted an accomplice with a collar bomb that later killed him.

Marjorie Diehl-Armstrong was convicted of criminal conspiracy, bank robbery and using a weapon during a crime of violence in the so- called pizza bomber case. She will be sentenced Feb. 28 to life in prison plus 30 years.

She was accused of plotting to rob a PNC branch with several others, including pizza deliveryman Brian Wells, who walked into the bank carrying a shotgun fashioned to look like a cane and with an explosive device locked around his chest and neck. He fled with more than $8,000 but was apprehended soon after. The device exploded while he was handcuffed and state police waited for the bomb squad, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette explains.

Wells, who was 46, was named as an unindicted co-conspirator. His family doesn't believe he was part of the plot and was instead murdered. Last week, his brother called the proceedings "a circus show trial."

Diehl-Armstrong has been in prison since 2005 for pleading guilty but mentally ill in the shooting death of her boyfriend, and earlier this year she was diagnosed with cancer and given three to seven years to live, GoErie reports.

Other sources are claiming that Diehl-Armstrong's murdered boyfriend was one of the co-conspirators, and that a fourth man who may have been involved has since died of cancer. Wikipedia has more info on the case in their article on the victim, Brian Wells, including a picture of the shotgun cane.

A note found on Wells had instructions for him to carry out four tasks — the first of which was the bank robbery — in a set period of time before the bomb went off. Wells would gain extra time with the completion of each task. However, it was later determined that regardless of what had unfolded, Wells would never have had enough time to complete the tasks to get the bomb defused.

I have to give mad props to the woman for fully embracing her inner criminal mastermind. Deathtraps and gadget guns and mindgames - fabulous. However, I can't decide if she took things too far, or not far enough.

First off, she used the bomb collar on one of her own minions. Big mistake. There's this thing called "known associates" that really help law enforcement types track down everyone involved with a crime, which is a major reason why bad guys in the movies always grab some random schlub off the street for this sort of plot. Even if your mark is terrified for his life, there's still a chance he might accidentally blurt out something that will lead the cops straight to your door, so less he knows about you the better.

Her second mistake was bumping off members of her gang, as killing subordinates who displease you only works in media. There, when henchmen see one of their own get whacked for making a simple mistakes, they become more motivated. In real life, they turn state's evidence. Which is exactly what happened here. Betraying the "pizza bomber" was bad enough, but dispatching your own lover sends the message that no one is safe.

The trickiest part of a bank robbery is the escape. Any fool can march into a bank waving a gun and be rewarded with cash for his efforts, but getting back home with the loot is another thing entirely. The police will no doubt have video footage of the getaway vehicle and the longer it spends farting around town the better the chance they have of catching up with it. Which is why complicating things with a series of timed tasks is a huge error, unless number one on the list is dropping off the money at a safe location. I mean, I liked Die Hard 3 as much as the next guy, but get the cash in your hands before you start making the puppets dance to your tune.

So in conclusion, I applaud the sheer supervillany on display here, but the execution left a little to be desired. Fortunately, the perpetrator will have plenty of time in prison to reflect on her mistakes and perfect her next criminal scheme, which she will no doubt implement as soon as her cyborg gorillas spring her from jail.

The Dead Walk (On TV)

2010-11-02T09:54:00.004-05:00

I don't have cable, so I had to catch the Halloween premiere of AMC's The Walking Dead on the downlow. While early buzz on the show was good, the opening episode should truly dispel any lingering doubts fans of the comics may have. Aside from the "light switch" speech, which was too long and poorly scripted, all of the changes from the source material were rock solid and heightened the sense of pathos and dread that define Kirkman's series. And it was surprisingly gory, though I couldn't help notice the modesty extended to even the most decomposed female zombies - even undead boobies are too dangerous for basic cable.

The show needs to be a different beast from the comic, if for no other reason than to keep the comic fans from anticipating every little plot point. It's clear that the show is in good hands, and I look forward to seeing how the new twists and turns play out.

I've heard through the geekvine that there's a theater in North Carolina showing the series "live" as it airs every Sunday. I would love the Brew N' View to do something similar.

Dead Set on IFC

2010-10-27T12:21:00.002-05:00

Your poor, blighted masses without region-free DVD players and/or the good sense to order a Region 2 copy of the fantastic zombie mini-series, Dead Set, are in luck. IFC has been airing the program all this week, with a encore showing of the complete series on Halloween. Set them DVRs, people.