Sunday, April 18, 2010 Beware the Aswang!

From the News Today (Iloilo City, Philippines)

‘Mentally-ill’ hubby beheads sleeping wife

April 14, 2010
By Jennifer Ponsaran-Rendon

A mentally-challenged husband hacked his dozing wife Monday evening inside their home at Sitio Tubudan, Brgy. Igcocolo, some 2-3 meters from Guimbal town proper, Iloilo.

A still perplexed 61-year old Rodolfo Rojo told police investigators that he saw his wife, 70-year old Adela, as an “aswang.”

He narrated that after seeing the “witch,” he got hold of his bolo and hit the “creature.”

According to Guimbal Police Station commander Insp. Jigger Gimeno, the first slash hit the victim’s head.

The second hack, on the other hand, severed the victim’s head from her body.

When responding policemen arrived, Adela’s head was found one meter from her blanketed body.

A few weeks prior to the incident, reports said that the suspect began manifesting signs of mental instability.

“He was allegedly talking no sense and had difficulty sleeping,” Gimeno added.

Before the incident, Rodolfo allegedly asked his wife to allow him to go out.

But Adela insisted against it.

It was surmised that the wife feared that Rodolfo might do something since the latter was showing violent tendencies.

When the victim slept, the suspect began hallucinating leading to the hacking incident, Gimeno added.

After killing his wife, the suspect fled but turned himself over, along with the bolo used, to Guimbal Police Station.

When asked by police investigators, Rodolfo reportedly talked with a lot of inconsistencies.

As this developed, Gimeno claimed that the victim’s family and suspect’s three children are still discussing whether to pursue criminal charges against their father.

I first came across the Filipino term "aswang" in reference to an old favorite fiend, the penanggalan , and the term is used in this way by an eponymous 1994 horror film. However, later research suggested that the name can be applied to just about any variety of nasty supernatural creature, as long as it's female. Using aswang as an appellation for witches, as in this case, seems to be its most common usage. Witchcraft panics involving lynchings and murder occur somewhat frequently in parts of Africa nd Southeast Asia. Let's hope this story doesn't spark another one.

I could swear that I wrote up a long post about the penanggalan, but I can't for the life of me locate it now. Oh well, something else to add to the to-do pile.

Friday, April 16, 2010 Iron Man 2 - New Taiwanese Trailer

The voiceover is in Mandarin. There's a fanboy joke to be made there, but I can't be arsed.

Pleasedon'tsuckpleasedon'tsuckpleasedon'tsuckpleasedon'tsuckpleasdon'tsuck...

Thursday, April 15, 2010 Bad Movie Report, Part 1

Yeah, I miss Dr. Freex's musings, too.

A while back, I posted about my desire to check out The Room, a legendarily bad movie that has developed a fanatical following. Well, I finally caught up with it in February, and it definitely lived up to its reputation. I had to stop watching the movie about halfway in, because I felt the compelling need to inflict it on share it with someone else. The lucky victim was my friend Nicole, who almost asphyxiated with laughter after only ten minutes or so of viewing. Later she did a spit take that would've wiped out my laptop if I hadn't had the foresight to move it out of any potential spew path earlier.

Nicole has become obsessed with the film. Two days after we first watched the movie, she called to breathlessly inform me that The Room was playing at the Music Box Theater that very weekend - and that the director, Tommy Wiseau, would be attending. She insisted that we attend. Insisted. She was very insistent.


It was a weird night. The film is bad enough, and seeing it twice in such a short time did me some serious psychic damage. But what sent things over the edge was the presence of the man himself. Tommy Wiseau was a wizened little thing, oddly dressed and even more oddly behaved. If you told me he was really a thousand-year-old gnome I would have believed it. Adding to Wiseau's personal strangeness was the sense of unreality that always accompanies meeting someone you've only ever seen on the screen before, cranked up to eleven by the bizarre nature of The Room itself. It was mind-blowing to have the person responsible for that cinematic plane crash standing in front of you mangling the English language and copping surreptitious feels off of hipster chicks.

Wiseau worked the line waiting to get in the theater, flirting with the women and high-fiving the men. He was more than happy to pose for pictures with anyone who asked. (I made an unsuccessful to snap a photo of Nicole with Wiseau using her phone's camera. She blames user error, but the phone itself was blatantly at fault.) He signed tons of autographs, as it seems that half the audience brought in DVD's and/or posters to be graced with his signature. Wiseau seemed genuinely appreciative of his fans, no matter what they might really think of his life work.

There was a brief Q&A session before the film. Most of the audience were in on the joke. They praised Wiseau and his film and asked the sort of mildly fawning questions you hear at any personal appearance screening. However, a couple of peeps (both women, for whatever it's worth) weren't having it. They tried to engage with Wiseau on a more serious level, bringing up The Room's various flaws and its negative reputation and generally just being big buzzkills. Wiseau was clearly put off by their attempts. Even with folks who were more attuned to the playful vibe of the audience, he was pretty curt when asked specific questions about the film and its production. "Watch the movie," was his stock response.

It was clear that Wiseau really loves the attention The Room has brought him. It was equally clear that he is really uncomfortable dealing with the reasons why his film has become so popular. The Room is obviously an autobiographical work and a heartfelt attempt at making a great motion picture. So it has to suck for Wiseau to realize that the fame and adulation he craves has come at the cost of his magnum opus being a laughing stock. Or maybe not. Let's face it - anyone who could go through the entire process of writing, rehearsing, filming, editing, and distributing this particular piece of cinematic history has to have some skill at self-delusion. As long as he can keep that going, he can bask in the (in)fam(y) and sell movie tickets and DVD's and posters and freaking bobbleheads and God knows what else.

For those interested in experiencing The Room for themselves, the DVD is available from NetFlix and another midnight screening is scheduled at the Music Box for Saturday, April 24th. As an added bonus, below is the trailer for Tommy Wiseau's latest project, a workplace comedy inexplicably called The Neighbors. Why yes, that's is a cat sleeping on Tommy's head.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010 Evil Clown Stalks Kids For Cash

It's getting to the point where I can't honestly tell what's real, what's tabloid bullshit, and what's a living nightmare that has somehow crossed over into our reality. From today's Metro (think a UK version of the RedEye):

Evil Clown hired for stalking, threats and a pie in the face

An 'evil' clown who stalks and threatens kids is being
hired by parents as a birthday treat.

14th April, 2010

Dominic Deville stalks young victims for a week, sending chilling texts, making prank phone calls and setting traps in letterboxes.

He posts notes warning children they are being watched, telling them they will be attacked.

But Deville is not an escaped lunatic or some demonic monster.

He is a birthday treat, hired by mum and dad, and the ‘attack’ involves being splatted in the face with a cake.

‘The child feels more and more that it is being pursued,’ said Deville.

‘The clown’s one and only aim is to smash a cake into the face of his victim, when they least expect it, during the course of seven days.’

If the boy or girl manages to avoid the ‘hit’, they are given the cake as a birthday present. Well, that’s alright then.

The frightening fun can be stopped at any time, which is handy for parents who have second thoughts and don’t fancy the cost of child therapy.

Deville said: ‘The clown will never break into a residence or show up at work. It’s all in fun and if, at any point, the kids get scared or their parents are concerned, we stop right there.

‘But most kids absolutely love being scared senseless.’

Deville set up his Evil Clown service in Lucerne, Switzerland, after being inspired by some of his favourite horror films – possibly including Stephen King’s It and Killer Klowns From Outer Space.

The idea is unlikely to be popular with sufferers of coulrophobia – the irrational (irrational?) fear of clowns.

But Stephen Vaughan of Clowns International, said scary clowns could be as funny as their red-nosed counterparts. ‘I think what Dominic is doing is a great idea,’ he added.

‘Bringing a little bit of life and laughter into kids’ lives is what we are all about.’

From the article, here's a photo of the delightful children's entertainer:


BURN IT WITH FIRE!

And what the hell kind of parent thinks it's a great idea to have this monstrosity stalk your kids? "Hey son, great news! Instead of getting you that Xbox you wanted for your birthday, we spent the money on a present that will guarantee you'll be wetting the bed well into your forties!" Yeah, that's going to inspire some Menendez Brothers moments down the line.

Friday, April 9, 2010 If Only I Knew How to Use Power Tools

Speaking of Bender, I came across an awesome sight while meandering through the intertubes. A guy in New Zealand has built a life-size bending unit that brews beer in its tummy.


The amount of detail that went into the build is insane. This Bender speaks, using the same processor as the "real" Bender and activated by a duplicate of a remote once used on Futurama. "Little Bender" lights up, and the maker created a mock cigar that's held in place magnetically. Even the bottle labels for the finished beer are show accurate!

And if that wasn't enough, the same guy built a full scale TARDIS that houses an arcade game emulator. And is autographed by Sylvester McCoy.

I need to row to New Zealand and steal his stuff.

Thursday, April 8, 2010 Beware the Small Cuddly Mammal!

From the BBC:

Police warning after monkey escapes from Cumbrian zoo

Page last updated at 17:22 GMT, Thursday, 8 April 2010 18:22 UK

A search is under way after a South American monkey escaped from a wild animal park in Cumbria.

The small beige Capuchin went missing from his enclosure at the South Lakes Wild Animal Park in Dalton.

Staff from the centre, which is home to dozens of exotic animals, called in police to help in the search operation.

Capuchins are native to the Amazon basin, about 20ins (51cm) high and recognisable by a distinctive black or dark brown head with dark sideburns.

Karen Brewer from the zoo said it was unclear how the monkey had got out of its enclosure.

She added: "It's only a small monkey so it is not going to hurt anybody or anything like that.

"It will be really scared and just wanting to get back home."

Really? Then why call in the police? And why should the police thereafter issue a warning to the public? Why the big hunt for such a "harmless" creature? What aren't they telling us about this monkey?

The Preterite Returns

To quote Bender Bending Rodríguez, "I'm back, baby."

And I've got a job again. Working for the same people who laid me off last year.

Stockholm syndrome aside, it's a great relief to be back among the ranks of the employed. Fourteen months is a long time to be without a source of income. I read somewhere that the Japanese believe that a man's 42nd year is the worst of his life; all I know is that I never want to go through that again. I was hanging on by my fingernails towards the end.

Hopefully that is all behind me now. And with the promise of a regular paycheck and full benefits, I can once again muster the enthusiasm to post silly stories about zombie strippers and kung fu monkeys.

But mostly, I came back just to share this:

Great Thing, or Greatest Thing Ever? I love the utterly disinterested Joker and the use of the original Batman music.

Parts 1 & 3 of this opus can be found here and here. The kid's bedroom in part 1 is exactly how I picture my cousin Mikey's room. Only with boobies instead of Batstuff.