Wednesday, May 25, 2011 Things I Found Looking For Something Else #10

I wanna give this genius an art grant.

Sunday, May 22, 2011 Highlander vs. Pizza Hut

From WHAS11, Louisville:
Police: Woman pulls sword out at Pizza Hut
Posted on May 20, 2011 at 4:52 PM

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (WHAS11) -- Police say a Louisville woman caused a scene at a local Pizza Hut and at one point tried to pull out a sword.

Wynika Mason is charged with disorderly conduct.

Pizza Hut employees called police saying they felt threatened by the way Mason was acting.

Before officers arrived, an employee claims Mason had a sword and was trying to pull it out of the sheath but her brother took it away and put it in the car.

Officers recovered the sword from the vehicle.

There's a "meat lover's" joke in there somewhere, but I can't be bothered.

Friday, May 20, 2011 Holy Suicide

Form the Guardian:
South Korean man's crucifixion death was probably suicide, police say

Officers believe taxi driver whose hands and feet were nailed to a cross inflicted ordeal on himself as a suicide

Wednesday 18 May 2011 12.40 BST

A South Korean taxi driver found dead with his body nailed to a cross in an apparent re-creation of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ probably inflicted the ordeal on himself as a suicide, police have said.

The 58-year-old man was wearing only underwear and a crown of thorns, with his hands and feet nailed to the cross, a stab wound on his abdomen and nylon strings tied around his neck when he was found on 1 May – one week after Easter – in an abandoned stone quarry in the country's south.

After days of investigation, police said they believe the man, surnamed Kim, took his own life without assistance.

Kim is believed to have nailed his feet to the cross, tied his neck to it and stabbed himself in the side.

He is then believed to have drilled holes in his hands and slipped them over nails on the cross, Gyeongbuk provincial police agency officers said, describing the death under condition of anonymity because they were not authorised to speak to the press.

Officials re-enacted some elements of the crucifixion and concluded that an adult male could perform the act on his own, police said.

The man was a devout Christian, and police speculated that his "deep religious faith" may have helped him endure "immense pain".

Police said they found the man's notes planning the crucifixion. Before his death, Kim closed his bank account and cancelled his mobile phone contract in apparent preparation to end his life, police said.

A postmortem examination showed he died of blood loss from the stab wound and suffocation, police said.

Officers said they had no information on when exactly he put himself on the cross or how long he might have been there before dying.

Popular representations of the death of Jesus depict him crucified between the crosses of two thieves, wearing a crown of thorns and a white cloth over his loins, with a wound on his side from a Roman soldier's spear.

It is not uncommon for Filipino passion plays to feature real crucifixions, but this is the first I've heard of it used as a method of suicide. It is likely that death was not the man's goal, but simply that an attempted act of devotion just broke bad on him. On the other hand, I'm getting a real Unknown Armies vibe here.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011 Gov't Comes Clean on Zombie Menace

As is being widely reported, the Center for Disease control has finally acknowledged the Undead Problem and posted some basic survival guidelines to their Public Health Matters blog. This is a refreshing change of pace from the denial and stonewalling we usually see from the government on matters teratological.

Oh, sure, they claim it's just a fun way to get people thinking about disaster preparedness, but that's just to appease certain factions in Congress (Michelle Bachmann is a lich). I think the logo below says it all:

Words to live by!

Friday, May 13, 2011 Batman Busted

I'm not gonna do a "Holy!" joke. I'm just not.

From Reuters:
Police nab armed "Batman" in small Michigan town
Wed May 11, 2011 8:25pm EDT

DETROIT (Reuters) - A man dressed as Batman was arrested on Wednesday after police in a small Michigan town found him hanging off the side of a building and carrying concealed weapons including a baton and a can of chemical irritant spray.

Police in Petoskey, in northwest Michigan, received a call reporting that a man dressed as Batman, a comic book hero and the subject of a number of blockbuster movies, was on the roof of a building in the center of the town of about 6,000 people.

Officers found Mark Wayne Williams, 31, hanging off the western wall of the building. They pulled him back onto the roof and found he was carrying the baton, spray and a pair of lead-lined gloves.

Williams was charged with several counts of carrying concealed weapons, one count of carrying a gas-ejecting weapon and another count of creating a disturbance, said John Calabrese, public safety chief in Petoskey.

"He really didn't offer us any explanation," Calabrese said when asked why Williams was in costume. "Our officers did not interrogate him at any length."

Calabrese said it was not the first time Williams has appeared in public in costume. A few years ago, he caught the attention of police by dressing as the Crow, a figure from a graphic novel.
For some reason, that last sentence cracks me up.