_________________________________________
Edgar Rice Burroughs Barsoom series was one of the joys of my childhood. I came to the books in an odd way. I was making my weekly comics purchases at the local Walgreen's one day when the cashier asked me if I read Marvel's Warlord of Mars. She said she really didn't like comics, but something about that series really grabbed her and she couldn't get enough of it. It was an odd thing for a thirty-something woman to confess to an eleven-year-old stranger, and she seemed pretty reluctant to do so. I guess she didn't have anyone else to talk to about it; geek culture had none of its current cachet in the 70's, even post-Star Wars, and suburban housewives of the time hadn't a lot of outlets for discussing such things. Obviously, her comments stuck with me. I figured if someone like that as a fan, there had to be something to this John Carter fellow.
The comics didn't take my fancy at the time, but when I received a gift membership in the Science Fiction Book Club a short while later, I decided to go with a Barsoom book as one of my picks. It was an omnibus of Gods of Mars and Warlord of Mars, with interior illustrations and a terrific cover painting by Frank Frazetta.
The grand sweep of the action, the exotic setting, the bizarre monsters and beautiful women and dashing heroes - needless to say, I was hooked. I soon ordered another SFBC two-fer, Thuvia, Maid of Mars and Chessmen of Mars, and began haunting the local used book stores in pursuit of more in the series. A short while later, Del Rey started reprinting the books with evocative Michael Whelan covers that, rather blasphemously, my brother and I found more stirring than even Frazetta's covers.
The Dungeons & Dragons craze was booming at the time, and even Sears was stocking RPG's and wargames. It was there that my brother and I discovered SPI's John Carter, Warlord of Mars game. We had to have it. We told our mom it was the only thing we wanted for Christmas. However, she was newly-divorced and struggling to support the three of us. We were looking at a pretty rough Christmas as it was, and there was just no way she could afford to spend $25 on a game. I'm pretty sure we took the news well - we were well aware of how bad things were at the time - but it was still a crushing disappointment.
Thus, it was a wonderful surprise that Christmas morning to find out that "Santa Claus" had left the game for us under the tree! We poured over the maps of Barsoom, studied the pamphlets describing the fauna and famous personages of Mars, organized the little chits representing the various heroes and monsters and compared their stats - I don't think we ever played a full game, but good Lord, did we spend hours enjoying the damned thing. I will never forger the generosity of the aunt who bought the game for us, and I treasured that game until it was devoured by squirrels. Yes, that's right. Squirrels ate one of my most cherished childhood mementos. My life is weird. I found another copy on eBay, but it's not the same. My blood enmity with Sciurus carolinensis continues to this day.
A film version of A Princess of Mars has been in the works for quite some time. Like with other adaptations of properties I'm fond of, I'm taking a "meh" attitude to it so as not to get my hopes too high. This way I won't be crushed if it turns out bad, and I'll be pleasantly surprised if it turns out good.
I've not been paying much attention to the film's development. I do know that Robert Rodriguez was attached at one point, and I think he would have done an excellent job. Jon Favreau was also slated to direct for a while; at the time, I was unsure of his ability to handle a fantasy adventure like Princess, but he has since gone on to kick all of our asses with Iron Man. Currently, the project is in the hands of the writer and director of WALL-E and Finding Nemo. He has some strong credits, but this will be his first live-action effort. It could go either way, especially with Disney involved, so I'm still sticking with the "meh" approach. Yet I know I will be seeing this film on its opening weekend, provided I'm still alive by then.
But of course, the claim-jumpers at The Asylum have beaten Disney and everyone else to the punch. The first Barsoom novel is in the public domain, which is all the guys who brought you Transmorphers, Snakes on a Train, and The Day the Earth Stopped needed to know. Witness:
Okay, let's leave aside the dubious Avatar tie-in, and the fact that the green Martians have terracotta mistakes for heads. But did you see who's playing red-skinned, raven-tressed Dejah Thoris, warrior princess of Helium? A shrieking middle-aged blonde.
I understand The Asylum would want (what passes for) names (at their pay rates) in the cast, but Traci Lords is just all wrong for the part. Nothing against her personally, and Cthulhu knows I find women my age attractive. It's just that she simply isn't Dejah Thoris. Don't they film these things in Eastern Europe? They couldn't find a dark-haired young beauty out there willing to work extraordinarily cheap? After all, a thick accent wouldn't be too inappropriate for the role. And then if they still felt they needed to plump up the marquee, they could have cast Tars Tarkas with someone like, oh, I don't know, Lance Henriksen or that big dude from Stargate.
I know it may seem like a silly point to get hung up over when there is so much wrongness displayed in the trailer. But I grew up with crappy sword & sorcery films, and my tolerance for bad cinema is the stuff of legends. As long as The Asylum tried to get the spirit of the books right, it wouldn't have mattered to me how gawdawful the end result would be. Heck, rename Lords' character, make her an Earthwoman transported to Barsoom with John Carter, and I would have been cool with the whole thing. But as it stands...
I would have at least rented a bad version of A Princess of Mars, maybe even might have bought the thing when it hit the five buck bin at WalMart. But A Soccer Mom of Mars? Pass.
_________________________________________
In a post yesterday, I mentioned my fondness for the Legion of Super-Heroes. It reminded me that I had recently lucked across volumes 11 and 12 of the Legion of Super-Heroes Archives at a Half-Price Books. I felt a bit guilty about buying them, but I've wanted these collections for a long time, and between markdowns and coupons I ended up paying only a third of MSRP.
When I settled down to read them, any regrets I may have had over the purchase instantly dissipated. The first story in volume 11 was the very first Legion comic I ever read. Rediscovering it triggered a flood of memories; of making my own flight ring out of construction paper, drawing Legion Cruisers on the backs of paper gliders, and long discussions with my younger brother as to who was the coolest Legionnaire.
(It's Mon-El, of course. He's got all of Superman's powers with a better costume and a hot blue-skinned girlfriend. I had a rude awakening a few months back when I realized I may have been subconsciously patterning my hairstyle after his for almost thirty years. And let's not mention the puffy-sleeved red shirt I affected for a while in the 80's.)
For someone encountering these stories for the first time, they'd probably seem juvenile and painfully dated. The only saving grace may be the dynamic Mike Grell artwork, and even then there's those awful costumes he designed for the likes of Tyroc and Cosmic Boy. Writing on the LSH wouldn't approach modern standards until Paul Levitz came aboard and began laying the groundwork for his later, legendary run on the title. However, the LSH Archives series appears to have ended with volume 12, leaving the Levitz stories uncollected. Which sucks, because I'd love to have the EarthWar saga he did with Jim Sherman in some form other than my deteriorating old pamphlets.
I can't really recommend them to anyone else, but these comics will always hold a special place in my heart. They may be crap, but they're my crap and I love 'em. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to install an Interlac font on my laptop.
0 comments:
Post a Comment